What do orgasms and pulses have in common? I don’t care if they have either of them
John pretended to be a doctor.
Motu came to him. He said, "I lost my hunger."
John brought some samosas for his lunch. Motu ate them. John said, "Your hunger is back!"
Then, Motu said, "I lost my taste."
John said, "Number 1, bring some water." Motu drank it and said, "This is petrol!" John said, "Your taste is back!"
Motu said, "I lost my memory."
John said, "Number 1, bring some medicine." Motu said, "But Number 1 brought water." John said, "Your memory is back!"
Why did the skydiver's parachute fail?
Because it realized it had a better chance of survival without them.
Why did the skydiver bring a backup parachute?
In case the first one wanted to "cut ties" with them mid-air.
How many push-ups can Chuck Norris do?
All of them.
Jokes about communism aren't funny unless everyone gets them.
I asked my mom what is dark humor. She said "see them boy over there in the wheelchair, ask him to walk." I said, "but I’m blind." She responded, "Exactly."
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"
A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.
Where did Jeffrey Epstein go to college?
Bring them young.
Why was the rapper always on time?
Because they had a PHAT BEAT to keep them in check!
Why was the rapper always in shape?
Because he dropped so many BARS, he had to stay fit to pick them up!
Blessed Brian, your secrets are safe with me... because I wasn’t listening when you told them.
Some people are such "treasures" that you just want to bury them
Maria went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mom responded, "Maria, they just wanted to see your panties!" Maria replied, "See Mom, I was smart, I took them off!"
Q: What do a prostitute and a vacuum have in common?
A: If they stop sucking, you can smack them until they start again.
What's the difference between yo mama and German men?
The balls... German men don't have them.
Why can't science be combined with religion?
Cause science creates skyscrapers and planes, while religion combines them
Why should you wrap your hamsters in duct tape?
So they don't explode when you f*** them.
Roses are red violets are blue. I have five fingers two of them are for you.
