Them jokes
What do noodles and women have in common? They both wiggle when you eat them.
I piss on blind kids and tell them it's raining.
Why do dolphins live in salt water?
Because pepper water would make them sneeze!
Why should you always give an emo a high five in the hallway? You can’t leave them hanging.
What's the difference between a sheet and a baby?
One of them is really loud when you iron it.
I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."
"But why?" I replied.
"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.
"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.
When prostitutes misbehave, do their pimps make them stand out on the corner with a "For Rent" sign on their crotch?
How are boobs and toys similar?
Both were originally made for kids, but dads usually end up playing with them.
How do you piss off a midget?
Give them a yo-yo and tell them to play with it.
The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.
So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.
Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.
Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.
Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.
Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"
The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"
Have you heard the word of the day? It’s "legs".
Now, let’s go back to my place and I can spread them.
What do black parents and elevators have in common?
Neither of them can raise anything without a belt.
What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?
Little boys turn them on.
I've had conversations with many people. Some of them were drier than my dad's ashes.
What do a 9V battery and a butthole have in common?
We know we’re not supposed to put our tongue on them, but we do it anyway.
How do you find a black person in the dark without a flashlight?
Tell them a joke to make them smile.
I hope you're an organ donor so your organs can go to someone who deserves them.
Comic: God, you're a fuckin' virgin, aren't you?!
Gerald: No! I've been 'round the block loads of times; women practically drool over me.
Comic: Yeah, and the Archbishop of Banterbury, mate. A name like Gerald, and with added 'four eyes' like them shit pair of glasses from FOUR EYED SPECCY INSTITUTION, mate, the only woman your dick has been in was when you were inside your mom's womb.
I don't like them white, pale, always talking about death EMO kids!
Sorry, I meant CHEMO kids.
Women have eggs and milk in them...
And they say that they don't belong in the kitchen.