Them jokes
I got in trouble at school today because I played the knife game with a pair of scissors, but I couldn't flip them off because I was missing that finger.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
I get so many things stuck in my head, though, unfortunately none of them were a bullet.
How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They just hold it in the socket and expect the world to revolve around them.
Dad: I heard an actor killed themselves with a knife. It was Reese something.
Mom: Witherspoon.
Dad: No, with a knife, you dummy!
Why do midgets run on balls?
Because the grass tickles them.
My dad is really angry at me for kicking the balls. He's the one that told me always aim for them. Is that why I don't have a brother?
My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."
Why can’t mental hospitals have Halloween?
Because the patients thought the pumpkins were them. I tried.
Why do they call me a firefighter? Because I find them hot, and I leave them wet!
Women are like towers, the man wants to bang them both.
Orphans are pretty tough. I mean, you never see them running home...
My mate caught me sniffing his disabled sister's knickers the other day. It wouldn't have been so bad, but she was wearing them at the time. It made the rest of the funeral so awkward.
Why are emos useful in stores? A: Their barcodes give them discounts.
Why do orphans hate dodgeball?
Because nobody misses them.
You know how in Pinocchio the French puppets have the thigh rings?
Well, I got them too! Only red and thinner.
If somebody gives you lemons, cut them in half and do the juice in his eyes.
How does a non-binary ninja slay enemies?
They/Them.
Why are friends good at dodgeball? Because no one misses them.
Holy fucking shit, Addison, watersharky, Gwen, and all of you other cringelords, I swear to God if I hear one more thing about "please be kind, no bullying on the internet," I will actually shoot my local school.
You may not know, since you are only 8 years old or whatever, but the world is not kind. It’s full of sick people out to beat others, and the only way to stay safe is to beat them. So even if you think you are spreading kindness, it’s just gonna make you a target. So just stfu and keep your "please be kind" messages to yourselves.