Why do they call me a firefighter? Because I find them hot, and I leave them wet!
Them Jokes
Women are like towers, the man wants to bang them both.
Orphans are pretty tough. I mean, you never see them running home...
My mate caught me sniffing his disabled sister's knickers the other day. It wouldn't have been so bad, but she was wearing them at the time. It made the rest of the funeral so awkward.
Why are emos useful in stores? A: Their barcodes give them discounts.
Why do orphans hate dodgeball?
Because nobody misses them.
You know how in Pinocchio the French puppets have the thigh rings?
Well, I got them too! Only red and thinner.
If somebody gives you lemons, cut them in half and do the juice in his eyes.
How does a non-binary ninja slay enemies?
They/Them.
Why are friends good at dodgeball? Because no one misses them.
Holy fucking shit, Addison, watersharky, Gwen, and all of you other cringelords, I swear to God if I hear one more thing about "please be kind, no bullying on the internet," I will actually shoot my local school.
You may not know, since you are only 8 years old or whatever, but the world is not kind. It’s full of sick people out to beat others, and the only way to stay safe is to beat them. So even if you think you are spreading kindness, it’s just gonna make you a target. So just stfu and keep your "please be kind" messages to yourselves.
Why are orphans banned from the shop?
No adult to pay for them.
I killed 5 orphans and tried to sell their organs.
Nobody still wanted them.
Little Johnny was overheard by his mother reciting his homework, “Two plus two, the son of a b*tch is four; four plus four, the son of a b*tch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a b*tch...;” “Johnny!” shouted his mother. “Stop swearing!” “But mom!” Little Johnny protested, “That’s what the teacher taught us! And she said we should recite it till we learned it!”
The next day his mother went to the teacher to complain. “No, no,” said the teacher, terrified. “That’s not what I taught them. They’re supposed to say: ‘Two plus two, the sum of which is four.’”
Why are orphans so bad at dodgeball?
Because no one misses them.
Why are orphans bad at basketball?
They haven't learned how to keep the ball with them.
Why do orphans have no bruises?
Because they have no dad to beat them.
To whoever stole my antidepressants, why do you need them?
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos.
Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
My friend entered a pun contest. He entered ten, figuring at least one of them would win, but no pun in ten did.
