Them jokes
To whoever stole my antidepressants, why do you need them?
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos.
Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
My friend entered a pun contest. He entered ten, figuring at least one of them would win, but no pun in ten did.
So, my friend and I were talking this time. I asked them what they would do if they ever met Rengoku. They said that they would probably like shake his hand or something, but I said I would lick his forehead. Wtf?
Person 1: Goodness, when is Michael Jackson going to stop eating these white chocolate truffles? He is already making a goddamn mess on his bed eating a few of them.
Person 2: Well, he cannot resist the little white balls.
Once there was this kid that wanted to shower with his dad, so his dad said yes. Then he asked, "What is that?" and his dad said it's a chow chow train.
The next day, he wanted to shower with his mom, so she said yes. He asked again, "What is that?" and she said it was a tunnel with light.
The same day, he wanted to sleep with them, and they said yes.
In the middle of the night, he woke up and told his mom to turn on the light because the chow chow train is going in.
Why do orphans hate apples?
Because they get picked over.
How is a beer can and an Indian the same? You can find them both smashed on the side of the road!
A Russian, a Brit, and a terrorist are in an air balloon.
First, the Russian says, "I dare to throw a stone down!" So he does that, but the others don't seem to be impressed. So the Brit says, "I dare to throw a brick down!" So again he does that, the Russian is impressed, but the terrorist laughs and says, "I dare to throw a bomb down!" So he does that and everybody can't believe what they have just seen. So a bit further, they land, and a shocked and afraid little boy comes running up to them. So they ask what happened, on which the little boy said, "I farted and my school exploded."
Why do cheetahs have spots outside of their bodies?
Because they don't have them on the inside.
Kid says to genie,
"I want to be like Batman!"
Kid goes home, both of them are dead.
Why do orphans get to watch rated R movies? Because their parents can't stop them.
Kid walks in the door. "Mommy and Daddy, I'm home." Mommy and Daddy meanwhile in their room moaning. Kid runs to them thinking they're hurt and sees something he definitely shouldn't have.
10 minutes later, [he] kills himself.
Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore – my face should be among them.
Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I see myself in them.
What falls first, an apple or an Emo kid?
An apple, because the Emo has a rope holding them.
The school shooter: "I finally found you worthless crybabies!!"
The Quiet Kid: "How are a bag of chips and a mac11 the same?"
The school shooter: "I don't know."
The Quiet kid: "When you pull them out everybody wants to be your friend."
Why does Michael Jackson like 44-year-olds? There's 4 of them.
How many Senators fans does it take to change a light bulb?
All 3 of them.
Hockey for life!
What part of "Another One Bites the Dust" do you sing to a disabled person to make fun of them? "I'm standing on my own two feet."