Them jokes
Kid says to genie,
"I want to be like Batman!"
Kid goes home, both of them are dead.
Why do orphans get to watch rated R movies? Because their parents can't stop them.
Kid walks in the door. "Mommy and Daddy, I'm home." Mommy and Daddy meanwhile in their room moaning. Kid runs to them thinking they're hurt and sees something he definitely shouldn't have.
10 minutes later, [he] kills himself.
Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore – my face should be among them.
Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I see myself in them.
What falls first, an apple or an Emo kid?
An apple, because the Emo has a rope holding them.
The school shooter: "I finally found you worthless crybabies!!"
The Quiet Kid: "How are a bag of chips and a mac11 the same?"
The school shooter: "I don't know."
The Quiet kid: "When you pull them out everybody wants to be your friend."
Why does Michael Jackson like 44-year-olds? There's 4 of them.
How many Senators fans does it take to change a light bulb?
All 3 of them.
Hockey for life!
What part of "Another One Bites the Dust" do you sing to a disabled person to make fun of them? "I'm standing on my own two feet."
A priest is struck by lightning and lays hurt on the ground.
When medical crew arrives he denies them, saying, "God will surely save me!"
The medical team tries to help him, but he keeps struggling and eventually dies.
Later in the afterlife, he screams at God, saying, "Why didn't you save me? Am I not dear to you?"
God answered, "B****, I sent you a f***ing ambulance and you denied it!"
Why are orphans so fond of shadows?
They're the only thing that accompanies them always.
Why do you always high five the emo person? 'Cause you can't just leave them hanging.
Why do orphans never get a car?
Because their parents need to buy them one.
What does a baby and a grenade have in common?
They both make noise after you throw them.
Did you know you don't actually wash your hands?
They wash each other while you stand there looking at them like a creep.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.
Why do orphans miss every hit? Because no one is cheering for them.
I asked an emo kid if they were jealous because their phone died before them.
Me: *stabs vampire*
Wife: omg
Me: *beats vampire to death*
Wife: OMG
Me: What?
Wife: You're supposed to give them candy!
Me: Well, that's a sticky situation now, isn't it, Barbara?