Them jokes
Two guys are captured by native Chinese. They give them two choices: 1. Death. 2. 他妈的
The first guy: What's 他妈的?
The Chinese: Fucking.
The first guy chooses death.
Second guy to himself: Well, I'll let these sick fucks fuck me. At least I'll be alive...
The Chinese: Come on, we don't have all day.
Second guy: I choose 他妈的.
The Chinese: Ok, 他妈的 to the death!
What do screen doors and blondes have in common?
The more you bang them, the looser they get.
What do you call a bad bitch? You call them stupid bitches.
Once a boy named penis had a crush on a girl named vagina. Their teacher found out and explained not to bump into each other; as innocence, they said yes.
One day, penis found his teacher in the bed naked masturbating. The teacher wanted hardcore anal sex, but vagina found it out and went to see them. The teacher told vagina that it's normal. Penis said, "Gosh, that it's normal, I put my dildo in vagina's pussy." Then they three had a hell of a time and they all were pleasured, but after six months, they both had a child, one named dildo and another named pussy.
So, narrated, it can be told that penis had sex with vagina and her teacher normally but ended up getting a dildo and pussy.
Q: How to hit an orphan?
A: Hit them with a family tree.
Helicopters fly because they are so ugly that the ground pushes them away.
I wrote puns on a piece of paper like this:
P. P. P. P. U. U. U. U. N. N. N. N. S. S. S. S.
Then I showed them to my teacher, asking him what they had in common.
“They are all very tearable,” he replied.
Well, there is one person who gets it!
Rape jokes aren’t funny. People like me that are actually victims of rape are triggered by them.
What’s the difference between my lawn and my wrists?
Nothing, I cut both of them.
How many babies does it take to paint a barn?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.
If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
The other day my friend messaged me saying, "bro I have two pieces of bad news for you." I told him to combine them. He replied with, "your girlfriend is cheating on both of us."
Dark humor and women are very similar...
Not everyone appreciates them, but they both give everyone something to make fun of.
Y’all can actually see them at all, my toe.
Why did the astronauts take a box of cereal and a cow with them? In case they bypassed the Milky Way!
Two gay men walk into a bar. One of them turned to the other and said, "Hey, what do you say we get out of here?"
If you tell a girl they're pretty, they won't believe you. If you tell them they're ugly, they'll never forget it.
Elephants never forget.
I only kidnapped orphans because they have no parents to report them missing.
Why didn’t the orphan celebrate their birthday?
Because they didn’t have a mom to birth them.
Me: Sister, stop stealing my stuff or I will make you feel bad.
Sister: No, I won't stop.
Me: Fine, I'm telling the world what you did.
Sister: What? You will see when I post it.
Sister: WHY DID YOU TELL THEM I PEED ON SANTA CLAUS WHEN I WAS 12 YEARS OLD?
Me: BECAUSE YOU DON ́T HAVE A LIFE.