The jokes

What's the difference between a gun and my will to live? None, they are both absent.

What's the difference between Mark Zuckerberg and a lizard?

There is no difference.

What’s the best thing about fucking twenty-eight year olds?

There’s twenty of them!

Two kids were sitting at a restaurant. One said, "Could I please have some water? I am feeling a little HORSE." The other said, "Animal Puns? TOUCAN play at that game."

Math puns are the first SINE of madness! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

I recently saw a pun contest in NYC. The owners said there was a maximum of 10 puns that I could submit. I wrote 10 puns and submitted all of them in hopes that at least one would win--however, no pun in ten did.

What did one brain cell say to the other brain cell?

"I think I feel a connection!"

I went to the doctor because I had a steering wheel in my pants, and it was driving me nuts.

- What did the skeleton say to his friend?

- Actually... TIBIA honest, I don't know how to complete this joke...

What do Will from "Stranger Things" and the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air have in common? They're both named Will, and their lives both got flipped, turned upside down.

There were 3 guys in detention called Zip, Willy, and Pee, and they were all being naughty. The teacher came in and said, "Zip down, Willy out, Pee in the corner."

Person 1: Why did you put the baby feet first into the blender?

Person 2: To see his facial expression. Why else?

You are American when you walk to the bathroom. What are you when you are in there?

You're-a-peein'. European.

What was Beethoven's favorite insect?

The bee! :0

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Lean beef.

Two of the worst jokes ever.

A pirate walks into a bar and has a ship's wheel in his pants.

The bartender asks, "What's with the wheel in your pants?"

The pirate replies, "Yarrr! It's drivin' me nuts!"

Why did the elephant cross the road? It didn't see the cars.

Why didn’t the girl like stairs?

They were always up to something.

What is the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

You can't hear an enzyme.

Yo mama's so poor, the ducks throw bread at her.