The jokes

Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.

Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.

Judge: But why?

Accused: Because I’m an orphan.

What is the difference between emo grass and normal grass?

Emo grass cuts itself.

I wish the doctor would prescribe me some medicine that's actually useful, like cyanide.

How do you get your appeal for rape charges accepted? Say you were expressing your desire for a woman, which is protected under the Constitution in freedom of expression.

What did the shark say when he ate the clownfish?

"This tastes a little funny."

Which one fell first?

The depressed kid or the feather? Look at 1st comment to see answer.

My wife and I’s gay marriage counselor advised us to watch porn together. So, we decided to try it out one day and search up lesbian shemale porn.

And that’s the day she found out she was a porn star.

It must have been a sad day when you slithered out of the abortion bucket.

What is the difference between a gay person and a refrigerator?

The refrigerator doesn’t start moaning and groaning when you try to put the meat in.

Why is "dark" spelled with a K and not a C?

Because you can't see in the dark.

What color would the confetti be at a baby shower in 2025?

Orange because they're having a they/them baby.

I went to the store the other day and scanned an emo's arm.

It gave me a discount!

There are two muffins baking in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?"

The other muffin says, "AAAAHHH!! A TALKING MUFFIN!"

How did the man with a small penis become a rapist? His condom fell off.

Teacher: Why did you throw paper airplanes at the twin sisters?

Me: You wouldn't get it.

What's the difference between a hoe and a prostitute?

One is a tool. The other is your mom.

There were four men eating dinner on the Titanic when it hit the iceberg.

The waiter said, "We have to get to the lifeboats!"

The teacher said, "What about the kids?"

The lawyer said, "Fuck the kids."

The priest said, "Do you think we'll have time?"

Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.

So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!

There was a math teacher on a plane that crashed. What was the last thing that went through their head?

A pentagon.

What is the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower?

Slick her hair back, she looks 15.