The jokes
A middle schooler and his dad were at a drugstore. The boy picked up a pack of 3 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for high schoolers: 1 for Friday, 1 for Saturday, and 1 for Sunday." The boy then picked up a 6 pack of condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for college students: 2 for Friday, 2 for Saturday, and 2 for Sunday." The kid then picked up a pack of 12 condoms and asked his dad who they were for. The dad said, "They're for married men: 1 for January, 1 for February..."
What is the difference between Trump and a flying pig? The letter F.
The Annoying Orange called Donald Trump a copycat.
What's the difference between a girl and a toy? There is no difference because you play with both anyway.
What's the difference between anal rape and a microwave?
A microwave won't brown your meat.
Mary's mother was a good person. Why did she die?
Because she got stabbed in the heart 60 times by a switchblade.
"Luck of the Irish my ass, I just blew a tranny and an engine in my truck both in the same week... Boy it really ruined my day when they found out about each other."
Anything can be funny with the right delivery, except for abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.
Did you hear about the new German microwave? It has ten seats in it.
A blond-haired girl, a brown-haired girl, and a ginger-haired girl were out walking when they came across some tracks.
The brown-haired girl looked at them and said, "I think they are elephant tracks."
Then the ginger-haired girl looked at the tracks and said, "No way, they are definitely duck tracks."
Finally, the blond-haired girl bent down to examine the tracks when she got hit by the train.
Have you heard about the movie "Constipation"?
No, because it never came out...
What does a carpenter do after a one night stand?
The second nightstand.
A pun enters the room and kills ten people.
Pun in, ten dead.
How did the retard win the break dancing competition?
He saw flashing lights.
Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because it's extinct.
Yo mama so hairy that when she go to the hair salon they say, "No pets allowed."
Q: How do you get the retard kid out of the tree?
A: Wave at him.
What can an elevator do that an orphan’s parents can’t?
The elevator can raise a family.
I used to have a goldfish which breakdanced on the floor. But only for like twenty seconds.
By the law, you are not allowed to have a sick bird. That's ill-eagle.