The jokes

A French Sans would greet you with the "o bone-jour".

I like my women the way I like my sandwiches... A little meat between their buns.

What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby?

I take my boots off before jumping on a trampoline.

If I smiled one centimeter each time I watched someone I hated die, I'd look like the Cheshire Cat.

I was walking down the streets of Manchester when suddenly I saw Penaldo getting arrested! I heard the officer say, “This time I give you warning, there will be no penalty.”

That’s when Penaldo asked, “No penalty?!” and punched the police officer.

Shame on you Penaldo!

Famous last words of my uncle, (a bomb disposal expert): "yes, the red wire."

Give a man a match, and he's warm for a few minutes. Set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

Helen Keller is the kind of person to ask you what the time is.

How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?

You pay the ice cream man to keep on driving. IDK.

Joe mama so dumb she studies for the COVID test.

What makes a nuke and divorce the same?

It only takes one of each to end your life.

Did you know that new Teslas don't come with the new car smell?

They come with an Elon Musk.

Your mother is so fat, she broke the stairway to heaven when she died. jaja ur momma dead.

Top tip; if your wife asks, "What would you like to do to my body?" 'Identify it' is the wrong answer.

What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?

A golfer goes *whack* "darn" and a skydiver goes "darn" *whack.*

Why does a leaf fall faster than an emo kid? Because the emo hangs itself.

What do the twin towers and genders have in common? They used to be two, but now they're a sensitive subject.

I decided that I'll end it all, but when I drove off, I remembered I forgot to do the dishes.

I was at the bar late last night when a waitress screamed, "Anyone know CPR?" I said, "Shit, I know all the letters of the alphabet." Everyone laughed, well, except for this one guy.