The jokes

The doctor said he had good news and bad news. The good news is that you have 24 hours to live. The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday.

Q: Where do smart hot dogs end up?

A: The honor roll.

Alright kids! Find a good place to stop! Then, out of the blue, Billy died. But hey, he went to a better place.

What do you call an arrow pointing the wrong way?

A Disap point ment.

What did the bull say to his son when he was going to school? "Bison!"

Two guys are on the playground. One guy says to the other, "Did you know that Hellen Keller had a playground in her backyard?" The other guy said, "No." The first guy says, "Neither did she."

What is the chemical formula for a banana? BaNa2

What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?

One's a crusty bus station and one's a busty crustacean.

Teacher: Hey Timmy (the quiet kid), what comes after X?

The quiet kid: Splosion.

Teacher: What comes after A?

The quiet kid: AK-47.

Teacher: Faints.

My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?

Aboriginals around for 50,000 years invented the spear.

I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say "black paint."

You have to say, "Leroy, please paint that wall!"

What has eight legs and doesn’t rape children?

The Jackson 4.

What's the toughest stain to wash off a little boy's underpants?

Michael Jackson's lipstick.

I was walking down the streets of Manchester when suddenly I saw Penaldo getting arrested! I heard the officer say, “This time I give you warning, there will be no penalty.”

That’s when Penaldo asked, “No penalty?!” and punched the police officer.

Shame on you Penaldo!

What were Michael Jackson's last words? "Take me to the children's hospital."

What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?

There used to be two, but now it's a sore subject.

Why did God build a stairway to heaven?

So all the disabled people will have to go to hell.

Your hairline is so far back, even the slaves can't plant that shit back.

What’s a reverse exorcism?

It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.