The jokes
What did the female rapist say at her hearing?
"Well that boy's dick was inside me and you know what you metoo people say, 'my body my choice.'"
Did you know Paul Walker had dandruff? Neither did I til I seen his Head and Shoulders on the dashboard.
What did Dom Toretto say about the tree Paul Walker hit?
"Family strong, but not that strong."
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a bucket of water. Jack fell down, his cock was out, and Jill gained a daughter.
Me: Hey, how are you?
Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3
Insomnia: Mommy, can we get a home?
Anxiety: Insomnia, wait for mommy to finish.
Depression: Anyway, here is my resume!
Me: Okie, thank you. Ok... mhmmm... WOW! Okie, this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it...)
Depression: Also, I have two more friends that want to move in too!
Me: Ok, and their names?
Depression: Their names are: PTSD and Trauma!
Me: Ok, they seem fine (Doesn't know about them)
Depression: Okie, here is the money (a penny :(). Thank you, we will call you if we need anything.
Me: Ok, see you soon! :3
Me now hates my life. :)
Memes
If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program.
The rest of them will write Perl programs.
Why can't the Chinese play baseball? They ate all the bats.
Fun fact: The body positivity movement is the only movement without any actual movement.
What's the difference between my mum and my dad?
My mum stayed.
What's the difference between twin towers and McDonald's?
One had a drive thru and the other had a fly thru.
How are Tinder and orphans alike?
You swipe left till you find the one you like.
What hit the ground first, the feather or the depressed kid?
The feather, the rope was stopping the kid.
Why did the brother cross the road? Because the sister farted.
How does a gay man trick a heterosexual man into giving him a blowjob?
The gay man asks the heterosexual man if he wants to give him a "brojob."
How to make time fly?
Answer: Throw a clock out of the window.
How many times does 42 go into 9?
Get in the van to find out.
Why did the car key never fit in?
He was too door key.
Why was Timmy the only happy person in his family?
Timmy is dead.
What did the sand say when it got into a fight with the ocean?
"Oh my God, you're such a beach!"
Do you know why you should never let a blonde handle grenades?
They'll end up only throwing the pin.