The jokes
Tell a dark joke to an orphan, then hit them. They'll get the punchline right away.
Little Johnny catches his parents going at it and says, "Hey dad! Whatcha doin'?"
His father says, "I'm filling your mom's tank."
Johnny says, "Oh yeah, well, you better get a model that gets better mileage because the milk man filled her up this morning."
Me: If a skinny person goes skinny dipping, then what do fat people do?
My friend: Chunky dunks.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to get some marijuana. Jack got high and slapped her thigh and said "you know you wanna". Jill said yes, pulled down her dress, and then they had some fun. Silly Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.
A man walks into a bar and orders three shots. "Long day?" the bartender asks. "Well... My oldest son just came out..." The man finishes the shots and leaves the bar. The next day, the man comes back and orders four shots. "What now?" the bartender asks. "My middle son just came out." The man finishes his drinks and leaves. He comes back the next day and orders five shots. "Again?" the bartender asks. "Yeah. My youngest son." He drinks his shots and leaves. The next day, he comes in again. This time, he orders ten shots. "My God! Is there anyone in your family that likes girls??" the bartender asks. "Yeah... My wife."
Memes
What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.
One day, I came home from school and said to my dad, "I got expelled from school today." He said, "How?" I said, "I threw my book at the teacher." He asked, "Why?" I told him, "We were doing an anti-bullying program, and my teacher said words can't hurt me, so I threw my dictionary at her."
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
What do a crippled person's legs and the Twin Towers have in common? They both went down and never came back up.
How many police officers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They just beat the room for being black.
What did the woman with no hands get for Christmas? No idea. She hasn't opened her present yet.
Hey, can't wait to meet you! So join the crippling depression family!!
Why did Nicholas Cage and Angelina Jolie attend Paul Walker’s funeral?
He went from "The Fast and the Furious" to "Gone in 60 Seconds."
How do you win an argument against a emo? kick the chair.
What is worse than a dead baby? A pile of dead babies.
What's worse than that? The one at the bottom is still alive.
What is worse still? It has to eat its way out.
What's worse than that? It went back for seconds.
Sometimes you just need to take a drive through the city to clear your head.
-JFK
Cousins on the streets means lovers in the sheets. 😂👀
Why are vaginas and the Mariana Trench similar? Lots of seamen go missing there.
Which branch of the military accepts toddlers? The infantry.
Did you hear about the bisexual from Alabama? He can't decide whether to fuck his brother or his sister.