The jokes

One day, I came home from school and said to my dad, "I got expelled from school today." He said, "How?" I said, "I threw my book at the teacher." He asked, "Why?" I told him, "We were doing an anti-bullying program, and my teacher said words can't hurt me, so I threw my dictionary at her."

What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?

A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.

Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.

I got kicked out of Social Studies class when my teacher made us watch a women's rights documentary. When he asked us what the genre of the film was, I put my hand up and said "Fiction."

What did the woman with no hands get for Christmas? No idea. She hasn't opened her present yet.

How many police officers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They just beat the room for being black.

"Would you like to play the rape game?"

"No wtf" she replied.

"That's the spirit!"

Hey, can't wait to meet you! So join the crippling depression family!!

A man walks into a bar and orders three shots. "Long day?" the bartender asks. "Well... My oldest son just came out..." The man finishes the shots and leaves the bar. The next day, the man comes back and orders four shots. "What now?" the bartender asks. "My middle son just came out." The man finishes his drinks and leaves. He comes back the next day and orders five shots. "Again?" the bartender asks. "Yeah. My youngest son." He drinks his shots and leaves. The next day, he comes in again. This time, he orders ten shots. "My God! Is there anyone in your family that likes girls??" the bartender asks. "Yeah... My wife."

Me: If a skinny person goes skinny dipping, then what do fat people do?

My friend: Chunky dunks.

What is worse than a dead baby? A pile of dead babies.

What's worse than that? The one at the bottom is still alive.

What is worse still? It has to eat its way out.

What's worse than that? It went back for seconds.

I saw two men wearing the same clothing and walking together, so I asked both of them if they were gay. They did not hesitate arresting me after I said that.

How do you win an argument against a emo? kick the chair.

Which branch of the military accepts toddlers? The infantry.

Why are vaginas and the Mariana Trench similar? Lots of seamen go missing there.

Did you hear about the bisexual from Alabama? He can't decide whether to fuck his brother or his sister.

Cousins on the streets means lovers in the sheets. 😂👀

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?

Hold on to your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blowjob.

My best friend looked at my arms and said, "Stop, sh*t, it's bad," then turns right around and says, "You look like a tiger."

So from here on out I am now Finn, the self-harming tiger.

Yo Mama's so fat... whilst she was walking the streets of London, she accidentally bumped into someone, and that someone yelled, "Stupid American!"