The jokes

A woman went out on a date and said, “I’m thirty-one with the body of a sixteen-year-old.” The man responded, “Wanna show me? 😏” The woman took him back to her house and opened her freezer and said, “Take a look.”

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?

Hold on to your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blowjob.

Yo Mama's so fat... whilst she was walking the streets of London, she accidentally bumped into someone, and that someone yelled, "Stupid American!"

My best friend looked at my arms and said, "Stop, sh*t, it's bad," then turns right around and says, "You look like a tiger."

So from here on out I am now Finn, the self-harming tiger.

What's missing in an orphanage computer?

"The motherboard."

Person A: C'mon person B, just be happy, smile.

Person B: Over my dead body.

Person B: *gets the noose*

I am still trying to figure out why paying the COVID doctors a compliment is so offensive. They even kicked me out, and all I said was to stay positive...

What do the twin towers and genders have in common? There used to be two, now they're a sensitive topic.

A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?”

He responded with, “The cat is dead.”

She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you have broken the news slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor thing's dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?”

“She’s playing on the roof.”

What did the wind say to the palm tree? "Hold onto your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job."

A girl and a dog were dropped off at an orphanage. Why was she crying before she went in? Because the people came back for their dog.

What’s the difference between an emo and grass? The grass doesn’t cut itself :D

A boy walks in on his mother riding his father. "What are you doing?" the boy asks his mother. "I'm jumping on daddy to make him thin," said the mother. "Don't bother," said the boy, "when you go shopping, the lady next door comes and blows him up again."

Why did the orphan commit mass murder?

To be on top of the wanted list.

An emo texted a tree, "Wanna hang out?"

The tree ghosted her.

What do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job?

Showing them the ropes.

Anyone else on here looking at depressing jokes to make themselves feel better? Not that it's working, but it's nice to know that I'm not alone. Well, enough with the sob story, I gotta go get my razors. See ya in the long run.

Friend 1: What's the most disappointing thing that ever happened to you? For me, repeating a year.

Friend 2: Failing an important test. And you?

Then there is me: My life.

What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?

Nothing... They both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.

What is the best cure for aging?

Suicide.