The jokes
Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it was stuck in a crack.
What do you do when a person with epilepsy gets seizures in the bathtub? Throw in some laundry.
What did the orphan say to his parents? Nothing, cause they left him.
Q: Who are the fastest readers? A: Twin Tower victims, they got 80 stories in ten seconds.
I looked in the mirror yesterday. I still have nightmares...
If I'm ugly, why do you always look at me when I come in the door?
There's something on your chin. No, not that one, the third row.
I was making sandcastles with my Nan, then my mum came in the room and took away the urn.
If Donald Trump is running against Bill Clinton, it's safe to say that we are witnessing the Lolita Express Erections...oops, I mean Elections.
There is a thin line between death and life!
You won't live to see it.....
The Cardiogram will!!
What's the difference between a pile of babies and a Porsche?
I don't have a Porsche in my garage.
Sometimes, I think back on all the mistakes I've ever made.
Then I realize, "My daughter isn't THAT bad..."
What's the difference between a black dad and a boomerang? A boomerang comes back.
My grandpa kept warning the people on the Titanic that the boat was going to sink. Result: he got kicked out of the movie theater.
Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because they ordered pepperoni but instead they got... Plane.
What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave? A microwave doesn't brown your meat.
The thing I don't like about shopping centers...
When you see one, you've seen a mall.
The judge asked Bill Cosby for his defense. He used feminist talking points and said "My body, my choice" and "It's my right to privacy." The judge, being impartial, let Cosby go.
My mind was blown when I saw all the people waving at me.
-JFK
Why did the feminist cross the road?
To suck my dick!