The jokes

What is black and at the top of a staircase?

Stephen Hawking after a house fire.

What did the grim reaper say when his favorite car commercial came on? "Safe life repair, safe life replace!"

What did the short Chinese man say when he was called a dwarf? "Da fok yu sai tu meee."

A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"

The bartender replied: "A shotgun."

I got kicked out of the library for putting a book about women's rights in the fantasy section.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple's actually get picked.

What do you call an apple that fell out of the tree?

An orphan.

I was playing football with my friends, and I got tackled and got a penalty. Suddenly, the ground started shaking, and Penaldo emerged from the mud. He took the penalty, but since it wasn't Andorra, he missed. Shame on you, Penaldo!

Bad jokes are like the planes in 9/11, they don't land.

What's the difference between an orphan and cotton?

One gets picked.

Question: Why did the blonde get excited after finishing a puzzle in 5 months?

Answer: The box said 3-5 years!

That poor kid, he was fine until I bought him a mother's day card for his mum. The second he saw it, he burst out crying...

what do you call a group of emos?... The Suicide Squad.

I once had an emo friend doing a course for the marines. He made the cut.

When the quiet kid has an argument with the school shooter, and you didn't get to pull out the AK.

What is the difference between a baby and a baked potato?

140 calories.

Where does the keyboard go to dinner? The space bar.

What 7 letters do you say when you open the fridge and see it’s empty?

O I C U R M T

If messyourself was on the Titanic, he would die first.

Advertisement: "What's in your wallet?"

Me: "The same amount of money as there is my will to live... ;_)"