The jokes

What did the emo say to the popular kid?

"Go fuck yourself for thinking all emos cut because they don't... y'know, for a matter of fact, fuck all you guys..."

Why do orphans like Monopoly?

To cry about the money they can’t earn in real life.

The toothbrush says, "I have the worst job in the whole world."

The toilet paper behind him says, "Yeah, right."

Which nut is worth the most? A cashew.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Peanut. Peanut who? Peanut butter open the door!

Yo mama so fat that the Avengers team had to snap five times and say, "Oh my God!"

My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!

My girlfriend said to me, "Dear, I think you have hit an animal, there's blood and dents all over the bonnet."

I said, "No, love, I'm not waiting for a Black Lives Matter rally."

What did the horses say to the donkeys?

"Jackasses, please like!"

What's the similarity between your mum and West Ham?

Your mum blows spunk bubbles from her ass.

What's the difference between an orphan and Daniel Larusso?

At least Daniel has a mom.

Your mama's so fat, when she asked for a water bed, they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.

If your parachute doesn't work, don't worry.

You have the rest of your life to figure it out.

I couldn't think of anything because you're in the "countryside."

An orphan walked up to the lemonade stand and he said to the man running the stand, "Hey, bum, bum, bum, got a family?"

What is Stephen Hawking's best side?

The left.

What did the fat guy say to the skinny guy?

Fat guy: Does this look fat on me?

Skinny guy: No, I don’t think it’s that.

Fat guy: Thinking.

Have you heard about the Pillsbury Dough Boy? He died of a yeast infection.

Never let an orphan watch Fast and the Furious.

All they will talk about is how great their family is.

What did the other wave say to the other wave?

"Nothing, they just waved!"