The jokes

Did you hear the story about the eel? It was shocking! 😂😂😂😂😂

One day there was a guy who robbed a bank. A customer at the bank while it happened got the police. Who was that? The police said......

It’s a wood hulem.

What did the hairdresser say to the power line?

"Want a power cut?"

I wish the grass in my back lawn was emo, because then it would cut itself.

What did the store manager say when they ran out of toilet paper?

We’re wiped out!

Helicopters fly because they are so ugly that the ground pushes them away.

It’s been a terrible day today. My ex got hit by a bus and died.

Not only this, but the council cut my bus driver's permit!

Why did the pedo cross the road?

To get to the pre-school on the other side.

You know why I have so low IQ? It's because the left side of my brain gets nothing right, and the right side of my brain has nothing left.

I guess Grandpa took the elevator to Heaven.

He definitely didn't make it up the stairs.

What's the similarity between a 14-year-old girl and the fetus inside her?

They're both thinking, "Oh fuck, mom is gonna kill me!"

How do u catch a tame rabbit?

The tame way.

What’s the hardest part to eat on a vegetable?

The wheelchair.

One day, I sit in the lounge on a chair.

What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?

When you slap a mosquito, it stops sucking you.

What did the bull say when he went to college?

Bison!

Did you hear about the old Italian chef?? Yeah he pasta away.

Then a man walked comprehending to be him. Everyone knew he was an impasta.

I could tell you the one about the broken pencil... but it's pointless.

My dad and I were talking and my cat left the room.

So I said, "I guess she wasn't feline it."

My dad said, "You've got to be kitten me, that was purrfect!"

I said, "Literally."

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Because she is a dumb b*tch!