The jokes
So, I was fucking my daughter the other night, and I don't know what was funnier, the look on my wife's face, or the fact the abortion clinic let me keep her.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it looked in the mirror.
I don't got a pencil or pen in this bookbag. Added like ten to the clip 'cause it look bad. Don't give a fuck if you pissed, nigga, get mad. Or you can bitch and get killed with your bitch ass. Lil' bro got blood on his shirt with his Crip ass. Go write a diss and get murked, don't do shit ass. Bitch, I'm a star, I might burst with my stiff ass. Hop out the car like, "Who want it? Who with that?" I don't know nothin', I was gone when they did that. Bandana wrapped where my chrome and my wig at. If he want beef, hit his home with a Big Mac. Niggas be breakin' the code like a Kit-Kat. Runnin' your mouth like a ho get you bitch-slapped.
What did the guy with two hands say to the guy with one hand?
"Hi-five!"
A woman wakes up in a hospital after an accident and yells, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
And the doctor says, "I know, I amputated your arms."
What's the best part about dead baby jokes?
They never get old.
What is the difference between whores and nuns?
Nuns usually discover their own chosen vocation. Whores usually have their vocation chosen by pimps.
A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging, “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says, “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
An American goes on a British bus after being in war. He wants to sit down, so he goes to the back of the bus to sit down, but there is an old woman on the seat with her dog in the next one.
The man says, "Will you move your dog?"
The lady says, "Oh, you Americans are always so demanding," and she says to sit somewhere else. He goes through and finds no seats, so now he's at the back again. This time he throws the dog out the window and sits down.
The man in front says, "You Americans always do things wrong. First, you drive on the wrong side of the road, then hold you knife and fork wrong, and you threw the wrong bitch out the window!"
What does Kobe and the Twin Towers have in common?
The pilots just couldn't stick the landing.
Wow, that was explosive!
Man, I'm on fire 🔥 today!
Thank the Lord for my two huge balls!
Why did the pedo stop to help the little kids cross the street?
To get them in his van.
To All The Naruto Fans:
Sharingan is red, Rasengans are blue, If you dare touch my daughter, I'll Chidori you!
What did the blind man say to his dog after eating dinner?
"Just ate a tasty steak!"
Yo forehead is so big it couldn't even fit in the United States.
What’s the coolest thing about having a 12 year old friend...
You get to meet Chris Hansen!
What do the names Alan and Jordan have in common?
An.
Chuck Norris: "Chuck Norris doesn't fight, he just allows you to lose."
Me: "How come did you lose Return of the Dragon?"
Did you hear about Hellen Keller falling down the well?
She screamed her little fingers off.
Why was the Chinese laundry joke not funny? It had no irony.