The jokes

Stephen Hawking has enough money to stand up, but can’t grab the money.

Stephen Hawking lost connection to the WiFi.

What is the oldest animal in the world?

A zebra—it is black and white.

If it is called a forehead, what happened to the five-head, six-head, and seven-head?

Why did the frog cross the road?

To show his gang that he had guts.

I can't imagine him moaning with the kids, "Hi, uh, ya daddy, uh HEE!"

One day it was me and my sister in the house. My sister said to me, "Let's order food." I said, "We have no money." My sister said, "It's cool; we're just going to order egg rolls from the Chinese store. I know the delivery boy, and he won't charge us." I said, "Cool."

The delivery boy came with the egg rolls. I took some and ate mine in my room. I went back in the kitchen. I see my sister giving the delivery boy a blow job. I ask, "What are you doing?" My sister replied back to me, "You had your egg rolls; let me enjoy mine." Then the delivery boy said, "Don't no charge."

This man came up to me and asked if I could sell my house to him, and I said sure. Then five days later, he said that the loan should come in the mailbox. Then I checked the mailbox, and the only thing I saw was nothing, so I told the guy, "DEEZ NUTS IN YOUR MOUTH!"

What is the best type of snake?

A dead one.

I can tell why the Founding Fathers adopted the Constitution, because nobody likes it.

What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

A tire.

(A tire as in clothes and the tire? U get it? No? I'm lonely. Add me on Xbox: DECIMUS PAX)

What do you call a gay drive by?

A fruit roll up.

TASTE THE RAINBOW BITCH!!!

How do you circumcise a hillbilly? You kick his sister in the jaw.

You calling me gay, but the pole is straighter than you.

Whenever the hungry cannibal performs amputations, he says,

"Thank you for your donation!"

You know what the yin and yang looked like before Martin Luther King Jr.?

There was none, it was all white!

Bible Verse of The Day - For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children.

—Romans 8:15-16

Why is Michael Jackson on the naughty list this year?

Because he sexually kids 😂

What's the difference Michael Jackson and a play station have in common...

They're both plastic and kids turn them on.

You don't usually see strap-hangers carrying newspapers these days.

But one guy with the New York Times is seen getting on a crowded F Train. He notices a single seat not taken. Suspicious, he gets closer and sniffs it out. The seat is discolored but dry. Throwing caution to the winds, he removes a section from the paper and sets it down to buffer the spot from his behind. He sits down, stretches his feet and yells out: "Try sitting on your smartphones, suckers!"