The jokes
Did you hear the story about the eel? It was shocking! 😂😂😂😂😂
What did the store manager say when they ran out of toilet paper?
We’re wiped out!
Helicopters fly because they are so ugly that the ground pushes them away.
If you're pan, all you have to do is get a sibling and make them get your parents to the outside of the pantry, and you burst out and then say you're pansexual!
What did the hairdresser say to the power line?
"Want a power cut?"
It’s been a terrible day today. My ex got hit by a bus and died.
Not only this, but the council cut my bus driver's permit!
Okay, One time I there was my dog. But then the dog, it fell.
Then I f**ked my dog hard in the a**.
Two girls are at a play and are about to go on the stage.
Ally before the other girl goes on stage: Break a leg!
Rachel: Alright!
On stage, Rachel trips over a stand and breaks her leg.
Rachel calling backstage: I broke my leg!
If you're sleeping, and you fall in your dream, you may have died, and the angels dropped you.
Or you don't wake up, and you were on your way to hell.
Ever heard of the band "Nothing but Thieves"?
Yeah, it's called RobberBand.
What has a bottom at the top?
Your legs.
A cop pulls two Arabian men over, walks up to their window, and says, "We are looking for two child molesters!"
Now after a short pause, the two men look at each other, then back at the officer and say, "We'll do it!"
Why couldn't the sunflower ride its bike? It lost its petals!
Hickory dickory dock, the mouse ran up the clock.
He finally got up there, but a bird stole his co-.
What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer?
A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
Q: Why do Americans fish with guns?
A: To shoot up the whole school.
What did the skeleton get when he saw goth girls?......A boner.
What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, flags big plus.
Hear about the guy who dipped his nuts in glitter?
Pretty nuts!
What is the best way to kill a special ed kid?
Call them retarded.