The jokes
Girls are like stones.
The flat ones get skipped.
What did the phone receptionist at the suicide hotline tell the callers?
Hang in there!
Why do we even live? We're just gonna die anyway, so what's the point?
I was making holy water, and my girlfriend walked in, saying, "What are you doing?"
I said, "Making holy water."
She said, "How are you making holy water?"
I'm boiling the hell out of it.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was dumb.
Memes
What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer? The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common? They both used their brains to paint the walls.
1. What do you call cheese that's not yours? Nacho cheese.
2. Knock, knock. Who's there? Ash. Ash who? Achoo!
3. How does the ocean say hello? He waves.
4. Why can't Elsa have a balloon? Because she will let it go.
5. What do you call your enemy? You don't call it at all.
I love to have sex. And my name is Lex. Which one should I be with next? I really hate my ex. I just saw a huge T Rex, And I think you probably saw this text.
Welcome for the rhyme.
Kiss a girl on the forehead make her happy for a day.
If you give her anal you'll make her whole weak.
Producer: We need to stop testing out products on animals.
CEO: Shampoo companies do it all the time.
Fairchild Republic making the A-10 Thunder Bolt.
Why do orphans hate Costco? Because they can't get in and try the free samples.
You're so small that when you go to the doctor, he doesn’t know you're there.
Her: I love Kobe Bryant!
Me: Helicopter Helicopter
Her:.....
Me: At least you don't say save the trees, cus damn Kobe is good.
What if Stephen Hawking was the real Slim Shady, but couldn't stand up?
What is the difference between a feminist and a gorilla?
At least gorillas don't abort their own.
Who crashed the plane?
1. Abu Faram? - terrorist
2. The little kid Joseph?
3. The passed out pilot?
Or Jamal?
You're so poor, you use the same toilet paper every time you take a poop!
What are the similarities between apples and emos?
They both hang from trees.
What do the Twin Towers and school have in common?
People jumped off a building to escape it.
How do you get a discount off groceries?
Scan the emo kid's wrists.