The jokes

The twin towers are like genders, there used to be two of them.

A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."

What's the difference between flat earthers and my grandfather? Flat earthers are more disconnected from reality than my grandfather is disconnected from his life support.

What's the difference between a hooker and a mosquito?

The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.

How do you circumcise a hillbilly? ... Kick his sister in the jaw.

Why was the ocean so blue? Because the island never waved back.

Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? Because she heard the drinks were on the house.

Why does a heterosexual man swallow the sperm of another man after he has given him a brojob?

Because of the cream filling inside, just like the individually wrapped cakes of Hostess Twinkies.

So I'm banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right?

And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo and behold, I'm positive.

This gets me thinking, "Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!"

"Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"

I was crying at school, telling my friends my grandpa died. And they asked me what his last words were. His last words were, "Are you still holding the ladder?"

When I get naked in the shower, it gets turned on.

I called the suicide hotline in Saudi Arabia. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

I recently found out that my grandma died. We did an autopsy, and the results came back. They were pretty shocking.

We found out that she died............... from an autopsy.

I had a terrifying experience last night. I was alone in the house having a bath... when all of a sudden... I felt a tap on my shoulder.

How do you know when Helen Keller is home?

Answer: When you hear somebody falling down the stairs!

The Big Bang happened 16.8 billion years ago, and matter cannot be created or destroyed. Therefore, we are all technically 16.8 billion years old. So, to answer your question, officer, yes, she is of age.

What's the difference between life and death? Life hurts.

What's one of the worst motivational things to say to a suicidal person?

“Hang in there!”

What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

A horse walks into a bar.

Several of the patrons quickly get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.