The jokes
I had a terrifying experience last night. I was alone in the house having a bath... when all of a sudden... I felt a tap on my shoulder.
How do you know when Helen Keller is home?
Answer: When you hear somebody falling down the stairs!
What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
A horse walks into a bar.
Several of the patrons quickly get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.
What's one of the worst motivational things to say to a suicidal person?
“Hang in there!”
Memes
What did the receptionist at the sperm bank say when you were leaving? "Thanks for coming!" 😉😉
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed Jill’s thigh and said, “You know you wanna.” Jill said yes and pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun, but silly Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.
The Big Bang happened 16.8 billion years ago, and matter cannot be created or destroyed. Therefore, we are all technically 16.8 billion years old. So, to answer your question, officer, yes, she is of age.
What's the difference between life and death? Life hurts.
I didn't come into the prostitution business...
It came into me.
I got kicked out of the hospital for saying, "Stay Positive," to the corona patients.
Q: Why did the young boy ask his parents to take him to the Cowboys’ AT&T Stadium during the tornado warning?
A: He said, “There’s never a touchdown there.”
Why are women like KFC?
After you've finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
No one has the right to look down on others unless you're perfect, and looking down on others is not perfect either.
It's just true.
What's the difference between hungry and horny?
Where you stick the cucumber.
Money and my mom are kinda the same thing; they come and leave easily.
Apparently, as a 4-year-old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.
Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.
Girl: Daddy, I've been a bad girl.
Priest: For the last time, it's "Father, I have sinned."
I put the sexy in dyslexia.
What is the hardest part about being a pedophile? Fitting in.