The jokes

Jason: Did you hear about the storm-trooper who attempted suicide?

Dave: No.

Jason: Well, he hit his first target.

Why did the library book go to the doctor?

It needed to be checked out.

How did they figure out what kind of shampoo Paul Walker used? They found his “head and shoulders” in the dash.

What's the difference between my dad and cancer? Cancer doesn't leave you.

Why was ten scared?

Because it was in the middle of 9/11.

Dear disabled people, just go to the settings and enable it!

Your mom is so ugly that when she went to rob a bank, they had to turn the cameras off.

A robber held up a depressed kid at gun point.

The depressed kid took the gun, and said, "I'll do it myself."

Did you hear about the 100 centimeter girl?

I’d really like to meter.

What's the difference between Hitler and Logan Paul? At least Hitler had respect for the Japanese!

What’s the difference between criminals and orphans?

Only one is wanted.

Q. What's the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. One has a functioning neck.

Random person: "Just turn the page and start over."

Me: "I'm not sure if you're telling me to be gay or uhhhh die but both are good options."

What's the same about "Make a Wish Program" and "Dark Jokes"?

They never get old.

Why was the ant so confused?

All of its uncles were ants.

Due to the rising cost of ammunition, there will be no warning shots.

The twin towers are like genders, there used to be two of them.

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack can eat her candy. He got sick when he got a mouthful of dick and realized her name was Randy.

A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."

What's the difference between flat earthers and my grandfather? Flat earthers are more disconnected from reality than my grandfather is disconnected from his life support.