The jokes
Yo mama's so fat, when she fell I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
Why are there a lot of whites in hockey?
It’s the only other job that involves beating something black other than being a cop.
When the school shooter leaves your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.
One morning a dad was sitting and watching TV. His daughter comes in and says, "Dad! Why is my name Rose?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were born a rose petal fell on your head." "Cool," Rose said.
The second daughter walked in and said, "Dad! Why is my name Daisy?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were a baby, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Awesome," Daisy said.
The third daughter came in and said, "DuUuBuDuRDeEDeRdUuUuU!!!" "SHUT UP CINDER BLOCK!!!"
Why do people not play Uno with Mexicans? Because they are always stealing the green cards.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers, and says, "You guys should know your limits."
What do you call a kid with cancer walking through the airport?
•Terminal
I had a huge crush on this girl when I was eight. One recess we met together on the playground, and she brought me to the corner of the playground. That was my first kiss, and from there it got serious. I told my parents a week later and they freaked out, called the police, and they arrested my crush. I miss Mrs. Johnson.
What are the similarities between an orphan and a newborn plant?
Both their parents were separated.
What's the difference between Tyler and a rooster? A rooster says, "cock-a-doodle-doo," Tyler says, "any cock will do."
What did one butt cheek say to the other? “Between you and me, it stinks in here!”
I wasn't staring at you; I was trying to figure out if that's your forehead or the moon.
SON: “Mommy, I found Daddy!”
MOM: “What did I tell you about digging in the garden?”
Where did Johnny go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
What is a suicide pack's favorite song?...
Let the bodies hit the floor.
What did one buttcheek say to the other buttcheek?
"Together we can stop this shit."
Vagina jokes aren't funny.
Most of the time.
Man, choking on sugar seems like the sweetest way to die.
A man walks into a bar and orders 3 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's got you down?"
The man says, "I just found out my niece is gay." The next day, he orders 4 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's got you down now?" The man says, "I just found out my son is gay."
The next day, he orders 6 shots of whiskey. The bartender says, "Got anybody who likes women?" The man says, "My wife does."
What is the difference between American teenage girls and Muslim teenage girls? -- American teenage girls get stoned *before* they have sex.