The jokes
A wife and husband had been on a strict diet, and the wife said, "You know, we've been good about our diet. Let's have a cheat night tonight." The wife came home with KFC and Wendy's. The husband came home with Sylvia from the office.
What's the difference between hungry and horny?
Where you stick the cucumber.
What's the similarities between Spiderman and a homeless person?
They both have no way home!
What do the movies The 6th Sense and Titanic have in common?
Icy dead people.
Husband: "I bet you can't say something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time."
Wife: "You have the biggest penis out of all your friends."
Memes
Why was Cinderella banned from playing sports? Because she always ran away from the ball.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?
One's made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with, the other one carries your shopping.
Yo mama's so fat, when she fell I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
Why are there a lot of whites in hockey?
It’s the only other job that involves beating something black other than being a cop.
When the school shooter leaves your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.
Why do people not play Uno with Mexicans? Because they are always stealing the green cards.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers, and says, "You guys should know your limits."
What do you call a kid with cancer walking through the airport?
•Terminal
I had a huge crush on this girl when I was eight. One recess we met together on the playground, and she brought me to the corner of the playground. That was my first kiss, and from there it got serious. I told my parents a week later and they freaked out, called the police, and they arrested my crush. I miss Mrs. Johnson.
What are the similarities between an orphan and a newborn plant?
Both their parents were separated.
What did one butt cheek say to the other? “Between you and me, it stinks in here!”
SON: “Mommy, I found Daddy!”
MOM: “What did I tell you about digging in the garden?”
Where did Johnny go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
Incest. A game the whole family can play.
What is a suicide pack's favorite song?...
Let the bodies hit the floor.