The jokes
What's the similarities between Spiderman and a homeless person?
They both have no way home!
What do the movies The 6th Sense and Titanic have in common?
Icy dead people.
Got the George Floyd pack, this shit makin' it hard to breathe.
A wife and husband had been on a strict diet, and the wife said, "You know, we've been good about our diet. Let's have a cheat night tonight." The wife came home with KFC and Wendy's. The husband came home with Sylvia from the office.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Yeah, he's all right now.
Memes
Neo-Confederates all claim to be about "heritage" not "hate". Well, if your heritage consists of Kelly Clarkson, riding on siblings, and treating Donald Trump as if he's the second coming, then it really sucks to be you.
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? You slap her on the ass and tell her to get back to work.
How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?
You’re dead if the rubber breaks.
What is the best Catholic dating app?
Grinder.
Why was Cinderella banned from playing sports? Because she always ran away from the ball.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?
One's made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with, the other one carries your shopping.
Yo mama's so fat, when she fell I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
When the school shooter leaves your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.
Why do people not play Uno with Mexicans? Because they are always stealing the green cards.
What do you call a kid with cancer walking through the airport?
•Terminal
I had a huge crush on this girl when I was eight. One recess we met together on the playground, and she brought me to the corner of the playground. That was my first kiss, and from there it got serious. I told my parents a week later and they freaked out, called the police, and they arrested my crush. I miss Mrs. Johnson.
What are the similarities between an orphan and a newborn plant?
Both their parents were separated.
What did one butt cheek say to the other? “Between you and me, it stinks in here!”
SON: “Mommy, I found Daddy!”
MOM: “What did I tell you about digging in the garden?”
Where did Johnny go during the bombing?
Everywhere.