The jokes

The president of the USA is so damn stupid. His mother must have taken Tylenol while she was pregnant with him, or something.

Why did the Titanic cross the road?

What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? A rabbi cuts it off, a priest sucks it off.

Why don’t women wear mini skirts in the winter?

Because they’ll get chapped lips.

Q. What's the Premier of Alberta's favorite sex toy? A. I don't know, but I wish it were me.

What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?

There were two when we were kids, but now it’s a touchy subject.

A team of cops and a news reporter are at a home where a violent crime has been committed. The head news reporter, in front of the camera, says, "A woman in this house has killed her husband because he stepped on the floor while she was mopping." He then turns around and asks a cop, "Has the woman been arrested yet?" The cop replies, "Not yet, we're waiting for the floor to dry."

What's the best response to a girl saying, 'What's up?'

'If I tell you, will you sit on it?'

What the difference between a priest and acne

Acne waits till your 13 to cum on your face

Jesus walks into a motel, puts three nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"

I tried being an emo, but I never got the hang of it.

What is the difference between a male prostitute who is a Democrat and a male prostitute who is a Republican?

When Republicans perform fellatio for money, it is called prostitution, but when Democrats perform fellatio for money, it is called a donation to their political campaign.

What did Kobe say to the helicopter?

"Don't crash!"

I was at my grandparents' and saw someone breaking into a car. I told my grandpa, "He's trying to break into the car!" He said, "No, ours is in the garden."

What is the definition of confusion?

Three blind lesbians in a fish market.

What's the difference between a six-year-old and a submarine?

I've never been inside a submarine.

Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg?

He's all right.

Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?

When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”

Did you hear about the guy who got fired for having sex with his clients?

He was a great veterinarian.

Siri is so ugly that she needs to go in the dumpster. She's so ugly that she needs to go in the toilet.