The jokes
What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?
The washer doesn't take loads for free.
What does the blind man say when he walks past the fish market?
"Hello, ladies!"
Yo mama so fat...
...people in Florida start buying flood insurance when they see her waddling toward the ocean.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A Democrat will keep screwing you when you run out of money.
What happened to the frog that partied illegally?
He got TOAD away!
Roses are red, I need a broom, I just shit all over the bathroom.
I told my teacher, "I’m failing life." She said, "That’s not on the syllabus."
I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.
What's the difference between a child and a cancer diagnosis? At least the cancer grows up and leaves eventually.
What's the difference between a joke and a tragedy? Timing.
My therapist said I have trouble letting go of the past. So I killed him.
I started a company making coffins. The slogan? 'We're dying to meet you.'
What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A prostitute will stop screwing you when you run out of money.
"Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too."
"Say what you want about the deaf."
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
I always thought the idea of education was to learn to think for yourself.
What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?
When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.
What falls from the tree first, the autistic retard or the apple?
The apple, because the rope caught the autistic retard.
"Having too much sex can result in memory loss."
I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014, at 10:37 AM.