The jokes

Prostitution. The only job that pays more if you suck.

My son's class is having a career day next week.

He was all embarrassed about having a mother who works at the AISH office.

We've agreed that I'll tell his class I'm a prostitute.

What is the difference between Batman and a black man?

Batman can go out at night without Robin.

Q: What was the last thing the United Healthcare CEO heard before he got shot?

A: "It's me, Luigi!"

I've come to the conclusion that Trump is the fifth Teletubby.

He's fat, orange, and speaks in gibberish all the time.

What does a crooked lawyer who is not on the ACLU payroll have in common with a crooked politician who has an office in Washington, DC?

They both sign their names using a blue pen 🖊 🖊.

I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can't even say "black paint."

You have to say, "Leroy, please paint that wall!"

NSFW Why can't women ever tell men where the clitoris is?

'Cause it's a place to eat.

My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.

She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,

"It didn't work out."

She told me to be more specific, so I said,

"I just told you, she didn't exercise."

What is a victimless crime in the state of Michigan if you are an able-bodied man who is well-endowed, not white, and not a heterosexual male?

A white male who is heterosexual and physically disabled who is sodomized by an able-bodied and well-endowed gay male who is not white inside the men's locker room at the gym.

I don't laugh at Trump.

I was taught to NEVER make fun of the mentally handicapped.

I was wrong about AISH workers having no value.

If you get to them soon enough after the murder, you can harvest a few organs.

So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.

What's the difference between milk and my dad?

Nothing, I apparently am allergic to both because I never see either of them.

What did the wizard say when he was filling up the gas tank? "Expensive Petroleum!"

Yo mama so slutty the abortion clinic gave her a loyalty card and coupon for 20% off her next abortion.

Yo mama is so fat, she falls off both sides of the bed.

Everybody is talking about Trump having leaks in his office.

I don't see what the problem is. He should just use a better fitting diaper next time.

What's the difference between my dad and milk? There is no difference; they both left.

A: What did the podiatrist say to the double amputee?

Q: Sorry, but I can't help you.