The jokes
What do sharks and people have in common? The great ones are white.
What’s a reverse exorcism?
It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.
There were four men eating dinner on the Titanic when it hit the iceberg.
The waiter said, "We have to get to the lifeboats!"
The teacher said, "What about the kids?"
The lawyer said, "Fuck the kids."
The priest said, "Do you think we'll have time?"
What's the difference between hungry and horny?
Where you stick the cucumber.
What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?
A margarita hits the spot every time.
When a deaf girl master baits, does she use the other hand to moan?
Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?
She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.
Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?
She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.
Hello, it is the suicide line. Just keep hanging.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.
How did the person feel when his partner wouldn't perform a golden shower on him? Pissed off.
How do you get a slag from Dundee pregnant?
Spunk in the gutter and let the flies do the work...
What's the difference between a priest and Woody from Toy Story?
Woody goes limp when a kid walks in the room.
Trump's releasing the files.
To catch all the pedophiles.
He didn't know Epstein.
Didn't touch any teens.
My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.
I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"
So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!'
I thought, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'
Inside a room full of squares, buckets, and tints, there are two inspectors. One is called Mr. Right, the other one is called Mr. Wrong. Because of their names, the first one is trusted more than the second one.
Mr. Wrong eventually got tired of that and worked on a plan for how more people could trust him. He took a jigsaw and he started to cut into his brain and sawed away half of his brain. It was still working.
Then he took a loaf of toast, cut it into half and glued it on his head, and then he made a strawberry cream and sprayed it on the toast. Because people couldn't recognize him as "Mr. Wrong," he was able to solve more cases.
What's the difference between a normal person's funeral and a person with polio?
The pose!
What's the difference between a Corvette and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a Corvette in my garage.
Say what you want about Jeffrey Epstein, but at least he knew how to take out the trash.