That jokes

Chinese Names - Annie Wan (Anyone)

Caller: "Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?"

Operator: "Yes, you can speak to me."

Caller: "No, I want to speak to Annie Wan (anyone)!"

Operator: "You are talking to someone! Who is this?"

Caller: "I'm Sam Wan (Someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan (anyone)! It's urgent."

Operator: "I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?"

Caller: "Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan (anyone) that our brother Noel Wan (no one) was involved in an accident. Noel Wan (no one) got injured and now Noel Wan (no one) is being sent to the hospital."

Operator: "Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious, but I don't have time for this!"

Caller: "You are so rude! Who are you?"

Operator: "I'm Saw Lee (Sorry)."

Caller: "Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!"

My wife wanted a present that could go from zero to 80 very quickly.

So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.

And that concludes your French oral. You can put your trousers back up, and I'll see you on Monday.

I have the best life coach ever, because he taught me to not care. He did it so well that he died last week, and I still don’t care.

There was this girl on the street that had no arms and no legs. She looked at me and said, “Hey sir, I’ve never been fucked before, will you fuck me?” So I threw her in the ocean and said, “Well, you’re fucked now.”

My dad told me he only drinks on days that start with a "T":

Tuesday, Thursday, today, tomorrow.

Knock knock. Who's there? Parents. Parents who? That's what an orphan would say.

Cheer up! Old age doesn't last that long!

Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.

Friend: "UR LIT BRO!!"

Me: "That's what my sleeve said to my arm."

I love eating pussy. That’s why the animal shelter is always my go-to for a good meal.

There was a girl I used to date, only to find out that she used to be a man. You could say, she put me in a trans.

They say that the tongue is the strongest muscle in the human body. Wanna fight? 👅💦

Kelly Clarkson may be able to shed her weight [through pills], but she will never be able to shed the fact that she admitted herself that she molested her children when they were toddlers.

My wife said I have no sense of direction.

I said, "Where did that come from?"

Do you have a shovel? Because I'm digging that ass.

Your mom is so fat that she can't get internet because she is worldwide.

Why do kids prefer to spend more time with their dad than their mom?

They already know that their dad is gonna get "Milk" and never return.

Friend: Stop with the self harm jokes, they're not funny.

Me: It's not that deep. I'll cut it out.

They always say you are what you eat! So I’d be nothing. That sounds about right.