That jokes

I told my friends that are gay that my hairline's straighter than he will ever be.

Do you ever consider during the cremation that the meat is well done?

You really can't call Stalin bad, just think about the kids that depression.

What is a dog that does not walk? A magic dog.

"Nun" means no one likes them. Just take off that dumb hood!

Would you rather watch PL or suck a dick?

Adapt: lemme fart on that dick.

My fitness guru said that if I got raped, it would help me in future marathons.

There was a boy who owned a dog, who was walking while wearing headphones.

Upon entering a park, he saw a sign that read, "DOGS MUST HAVE LEAD". He continued into the park, and became immersed in the music.

After leaving the park 20 minutes later and turning around for the first time in a while to remove the lead, the sight of his now-dead, freshly-poisoned dog reminded him of the importance of heteronyms.

I've come to the conclusion that Trump is the fifth Teletubby.

He's fat, orange, and speaks in gibberish all the time.

Why do most guns in America have an average mag/clip size of only 30?

Because that's the average class size in America.

Me: Hey, Mom? Why do we celebrate birthdays?

Mom: Because that's the day a new life was born, and people are born every day so every day is a special day.

My thoughts: And my friend wonders why I have depression...

Someone forgot to do half the questions in the history test.

And that's what made him go down in history.

When I was 11, my mom came home from the bar super drunk that night, and I just wanted to know if they knew where the cat was because I heard a noise. We had a loooooooong talk the next morning.

Yo mama is so ugly that when Santa came to the house and saw a picture of her, he died.

"Mine is 3 inches."

"That's not very lo..."

"From the ground."

You want to get her pregnant before marriage to know if she's fertile, so why not marry a single mother that already has proof?

Royal rebel and push so back, they ever marble say that drink pushback.

Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?

I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...

What do cannibals call a person that is running?

Fast food.

Why don't churches have Wi-Fi?

They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.