That jokes

Why won't Trump be subject to impeachment?

Answer: Because Republicans in Congress insist that every baby be brought to full term!

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde."

The blonde then taped the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"

What do you call a Mexican that hung him self? a pinata

What does Stephen Hawking say after sex? That was wheely good.

Sir William Herschel discovered Uranus in 1781, 200 years before you were born. How did he do that?

So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.

A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."

Why didn't Trump beat Biden?

Because he couldn't trump that bitch!

You can understand depression if you are still in school and get bullied by bullies, punished by teachers, and scolded by parents for being that quiet kid who says nothing.

Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.

Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway, and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.

What did the baby cow say to the mommy cow when he saw a hamburger?

"Mommy, is that Uncle Joe?"

People in plays say that everyone's life is a drama, but mine's a tragedy.

Why do black people only have nightmares?

Because we shot the last one that had a dream.

A sign that broadcast television has less impact on the masses: The force-feeding of Kelly Clarkson on network television has yet to impact the large stacks of Kelly Clarkson CDs collecting dust in Goodwill, right next to those James Last LPs.

It's telling that Ye gets more offended when he's called a gayfish than a Nazi.

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

Your hairline is so far back that your dad still can't find his way back home.

Your hairline's so far back that Dora the Explorer couldn't find it.

What do you call an apple that fell out of the tree?

An orphan.

Is that a mirror in your pants? Cause I can see myself inside them.

A: Why are you so sad?

B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.

A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?

B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie.