That jokes

What does Stephen Hawking say after sex? That was wheely good.

So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.

A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."

A sign that broadcast television has less impact on the masses: The force-feeding of Kelly Clarkson on network television has yet to impact the large stacks of Kelly Clarkson CDs collecting dust in Goodwill, right next to those James Last LPs.

It's telling that Ye gets more offended when he's called a gayfish than a Nazi.

What did the baby cow say to the mommy cow when he saw a hamburger?

"Mommy, is that Uncle Joe?"

Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.

Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway, and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.

Why didn't Trump beat Biden?

Because he couldn't trump that bitch!

Why do black people only have nightmares?

Because we shot the last one that had a dream.

Why does Batman’s mask only cover half of his face?

So the police can see that he’s white.

Tried committing suicide last night...

Never doing that shit again, I almost killed myself!

Help, my ADHD is so bad that not even I can focus in a concentration camp.

My best friend is transgender; she transitioned from a man into a woman. I think it's courageous of her to take a pay cut like that.

When you forget the pinata at the birthday party. The kids: "Aww man." But the emo kid just hung himself. Kids: "Yaaaaayyy." Parents: "Adjust, improvise, overcome, that is the way."

My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.

My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"

People say that biting off your finger would be as easy as biting a carrot if your brain didn't try to stop you. How the f do people know that and how many people's fingers did they bite off before coming to that conclusion?

I'm still not sure how I'm not in jail or have been fined for littering. When I was born, I was born in a hospital trash can, therefore making me a literal piece of trash. That being said, any time I'm out in public, I'm a piece of litter.

Your hairline is so far back that your dad still can't find his way back home.

Is that a mirror in your pants? Cause I can see myself inside them.

Your hairline's so far back that Dora the Explorer couldn't find it.

What do you call an apple that fell out of the tree?

An orphan.