That jokes

What do you call a bee that produces milk? Booby.

Mom: ON THE PHONE WITH CHILD- Honey, is Dad late to pick you up again?

Child: No, Mum. Dad is here, but he is talking about me to Mrs. Lili, the math teacher.

Mom: Can you hear them?

Child: I think... they are watching a good movie.

Mom: Why do you think that?

Child: Because I keep hearing this *HOLDS ONTO PHONE* and clap, clap, clap.

9/11 jokes are that deadly not even the towers could hold themselves up.

My friend said that his book was getting boring and that he's gonna kill off some characters.

I asked him what his book was about and he said, "Oh, it's an autobiography."

A man comes to a bar and has a drink. Then his bully came to him and stole his drink. Then the bully asked, "What's wrong?"

The man said that "I'm trying to kill myself. I tried getting hit by a train, but the train went on a different track. Then I tried to jump off a bridge, but I fell on a boat full of pillows. Then I tried to poison myself."

Then the bully says, "Then what?" Then the man replied, "You just drank it." Then the man left.

What do you call a dinosaur that likes subtraction?

A galiminus.

The moment you realize that school Kahoot! games are more competitive than the Super Bowl.

Yo mama so ugly, that when Santa came down the chimney he said, "Ho, ho- HOLY SHIT!"

What did the parents rearrange the furniture to punish a child?

Guess he was a stupid blind motherfucker 🖕 that didn't even know how to use a cane to figure out where they put the furniture.

What do you call it when you're dead because of that one drink in Panera Bread? Panera dead.

What’s the difference between a woman that doesn’t belong in the kitchen and Bigfoot?

Bigfoot is real.

You're so fat that when you were born, the nurse mistook you for the father.

I used to have a skeleton of jokes, now my supply is bone dry. Guess I wasn’t that femurous.

Yo mama is so fat that when she steps on a scale, it says "to be continued."

Did you hear about that new emo pizza? It cuts itself!

You are so fat that when you jump into the pool, everyone gets out.

You know buddy, that is really...

boroning.

If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?

I was really rooting to tell that one.

I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.

He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.

My girlfriend called me a pedophile... That's a big word for a 1st grader.