That jokes
My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.
What did one casket say to the other casket?
"Is that you coughin'?"
What did the fish say when it hit the wall? Dam.
What did the other fish say to that fish when he hit the wall? Dumb Bass.
So this dude comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network.
The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can't cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can't f*ck."
There's nothing else that can beat up dog.
What's up, dog?
Just my depression!
You are so fat that when you jump into the pool, everyone gets out.
Your hairline's so far back that Usain Bolt had to run 50 miles away from you!
Why did Germany win World War Two? Wait—that's not right... um... excuse me while I look up who won the war...
*disconnected*
If you have a friend that will not leave you alone about something, just simply tell them: "If you watch something, have you ever thought that you're in a movie when you watch a movie?"
Your mum's so fat that when she goes to KFC, they run out of stock of chicken.
Being gay is the most masculine thing that is possible because only men can be gay.
The KGB, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary-General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling:
"Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
Luca’s Mom and Dad be throwing the kids into the fountain in the city, but they're sea monsters, so if they went to jail for that, they would be on death row anyway. 🤣
What do you call an orphanage that's not an orphanage?
A homeless shelter.
A cow went into a pride of lions' territory.
Since that moment, he knew his life was on the stake.
Yo momma so stupid that she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.
A horse says to the other horse, "Are you hot?"
The other horse says, "Ahhhh, a house that talks!"
I would call Slade dense, but that would be an insult to rocks.
Your forehead is so big that it couldn’t handle an acute angle.
The DNA told the tailor that he couldn't find his genes.