That jokes
Your hairline is so far back that even Hitler wouldn't shoot it.
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing.
They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
My wife wanted something that went from 0 to 80 very quickly.
So I brought her a new bathroom scale.
If I send a clown to deliver flowers to my wife...
...is that a romantic jester?
What do you call a pun that's bad? A bad pun.
Does that dick match that forehead? 👀
A pirate walked into a pub with a ship wheel attached to his balls. The bartender says, "What the hell is that?"
The pirate said, "I don't know but it's driving me nuts!"
What did the daddy bullet say to his son when he missed the bull and hit something brown and gross?
"That is bull crap!"
Q: What did the Iceberg say to the Titanic?
A: I'd hit that.
Mother: "Sweetie, make a Christmas wish."
Girl: "I wish that Santa will send some clothes to those naked girls in papa's computer."
A German, a Swiss, and a Russian make a bet: whoever has the most forest area in their country wins about 10,000 euros.
First, they fly over Switzerland: 8,000 square kilometers of forest. The German starts getting cold feet, as he doesn't think he'll win. Next, they fly over Russia: 50,000 square kilometers of forest. The German realizes he doesn't stand a chance unless he cheats.
When they fly over Germany, they see 10,000 square kilometers of forest. The German seems to have won, but then the Swiss shouts: "That's a tree!" The German was accused of fraud.
The German is furious. He calls the head of the Bundeswehr: "Why did the tree move?!" The boss said, "I'll put the guy who moved on the line," and passed the receiver over.
"Why did you move?" the German asked.
The young man replied: "Okay, when a dog came along and peed on my trunk, that was still fine. But then a bear came along and rubbed against my trunk..."
Your hairline is so bad that it looks like you have Ironman's helmet on your head.
Q: I'm a famous athlete and I've got a lot of fans.
A: Is that why I never see you sweat?
Yo mama is so fat that her belt size is the equator.
Orphan: I finally have a father!
God: And who is that?
Orphan: You!
God: Who the hell is you? Well, it's not me.
Orphan: :l
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
You're so short that I had to ask God why he made you short-ass toothpick legs.
It's a little known fact that Helen Keller was against teaching deaf people sign language and thought they should be forced to use oral language.
Weird.
Last time I forced somebody into oral, I got arrested.
Why is it that orphans love Frisbees so much?
Because they return eventually.
I still remember my grandpa's last words; "Is that loaded?"