That Jokes

Q: What do you call a dog that stepped in its own shit?

A: I don't know.

On April Fool's, go to an orphanage and tell them that their parents are here to pick them up.

I told an emo kid that we were going to hang (hangout), but they took it too literal.

Yo momma so fat that it was hard to find the G spot and slip her one at night.

Did you hear that oxygen and magnesium hooked up last night?

OMg!

A man with a beard holds a cell phone and looks at the camera. Above his head it reads "My reaction to that information:".

Yo mama so fat...

That when she used a jump rope... Every time she jumped caused a giant cataclysm!

So a kid was hanging out with his mom and this man comes up to him and said, "Hi, I'm your new dad." The kid did not think about it, and then he did and said, "But I already have a dad." The mom said, "That was not your real dad."

Yo mama so fat that when she saw Thanos and he tried to snap her out of existence, it didn't work, and he said, "Man, I quit!"

Do you know the teacher that went up into space?

You know what her husband said to her? "I will feed the dog; you feed the fish."

My wife said to me, "You really have no sense of direction, do you?"

I said, "Where the fuck did that come from?!"

I got something long stuck inside me last night, dammit, that needle hurt.

What's braver than coming out gay? Taking a shit in an elementary school bathroom with those two kids that always mess with you and turn off the lights.

Every Cobra Kai joke that was made, it's just me.

Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.

Next day:

Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?

Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.

The dad sulked for 3 whole years.

Proof that words really can hurt.

My girlfriend told me that she wonders what our kids will look like.

No, they will be wondering what I look like.

I was at school today, and one of my friends said after a test, "Man, that was hard." After that, I started laughing and I said, "That's what she said."