That jokes
A small, nervous woman steps into a hotel elevator in Las Vegas.
At the next floor, three large, burly men step in. The woman is immediately intimidated and clutches her purse tightly.
Suddenly, one of the men says in a deep voice: "Hit the floor!"
Terrified that she is about to be robbed, the woman drops her bags and collapses face down onto the floor of the elevator, cowering in fear.
The men burst out laughing and help the bewildered woman up. The speaker apologizes profusely and says: "No, ma'am, I meant hit the button for our floor!"
The next morning, the woman receives a massive bouquet of roses and has her entire hotel bill paid for. Attached is a note that says: "Thanks for the best laugh I've had in years."
I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.
He told me to stop going to those places.
What does a Right-Winger say when he sees a rainbow above the sky?
"A colorful sky? That's too woke for me. Jesus and our ancestors would have never stood for this!"
A pair of Newfoundlanders, watching TV, saw endless big-budget advertisements for mass-produced American beer.
One Newfie turns to the other and says, "They say that stuff is the biggest seller in the States, but I don't see what the big deal is." So they buy a bottle, pour it into a plain jar and decide to get an expert opinion.
They send a sample to a lab in St. John's to have it analyzed.
A day later, the lab results come back: "Your horse has diabetes."
Yo mama is so ugly that Bumble accused her of catfishing.
Yo mama is so ugly that her DoorDash driver took her order away.
Yo mama so ugly that she's the reason monsters hide under the beds.
Yo mama is so black that she has her own solar system.
Yo mama is so Jewish that pennies run away from getting pinched by her.
Yo mama is so ugly that even scammers wouldn't go after her money.
Yo mama is so fat that she crushed her PlayStation profile.
You're so boring that you make war veterans die quicker, and yet they're still on life support.
You're so dark that even God's light can't shine upon you.
I donated blood today. In the future, I will try to remember that I'm supposed to donate my blood only.
"Sir, we noticed a 2-year gap in your resume."
"That was when I went to Yale."
"A Yale man? Well, you're hired!"
"Thanks! I really need this yob!"
I complained to my landlord that carpenter ants were getting into the timbers. He was dismissive.
"They're Karen Carpenter ants, they don't eat much of anything."
A pair of Newfies decide to visit Toronto. They drive through Nova Scotia, through New Brunswick, through Montréal, Kingston, Oshawa... then they see a sign that says "Toronto Left", so they turn back around and go home.
How many electrical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That is the electrician's job. I am a specialist.
How many software engineers?
Again, none. It's a hardware problem.
How many computer programmers to change a light bulb?
Two, but one resigns halfway through the project.
Your family is so cheap that they won't even pay for the child support to keep you.
Your family is so messed up that they shared one brain cell to have you even exist.