That jokes
A friend was doing bird puns on me. Then I realized that toucan play at that game.
I rolled over a log and underneath was a tiny little stick, and I was like, "That log had a child!"
That joke and paper have one thing in common: they're both tearable.
What do you call a club that owls go to?
Hooters.
Person: I'd really like it if you'd stop saying my name all the time.
Random Person: Cheesus! That hurt!
Person: SERIOUSLY!?!?
What did the dalmatian dog say after he finished his meal?
"That hit the spot?"
The sad thing is when they ride the scooters in Wal-Mart... Really, you declining to walk is what got your fat ass in that scooter to begin with... And damned if they aren't buying diet soda... Please... cull this shit... We don't need them in society... KFC is not a disease.
Are you guys alright?
If you answered yes then you are wrong. You are all LEFT. Kill me, hmph.
(This joke was taken from that none funny b*tch on Britain's Got Talent)
I'm not lazy, I'm just bone tired. I bet that one tickled your funny bone. It sure got me rattled. Don't try to stop me. I've got a skele-ton of these!
Last night, I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it was just a Fanta sea!
If I'm the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a guardian of the galaxy?
Two persons were in a car. The brakes were broken and they were going so fast that they would crash and die.
The driver said: "Oh no! We will die!" but the person sitting next to him replied: "Don't panic, the stop sign at the end of the road will stop us."
What do you call a priest that is a furry?
A Catholic.
The worst part about church is that you're constantly switching between sitting, standing, and kneeling. I mean, why can't the priest just pick a position and f**k me already!
Two guys are on the playground. One guy says to the other, "Did you know that Hellen Keller had a playground in her backyard?" The other guy said, "No." The first guy says, "Neither did she."
So, I was fucking my daughter the other day and my wife walked in... I don't know what was funnier: the look on her face, or that the abortion clinic let me keep her.
Why did the blind man fall down the well?
He just couldn't see that well.
How to treat someone who’s lesbian, gay, queer, transgender or bisexual?
The same way that you would treat anybody else, you homophobic bastard.
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke. That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
A man puts in ten jokes into a joke contest. He hopes that at least one will win. Sadly, no pun intended.