That jokes
That's the last time we park the TARDIS outside the portaloos at Glastonbury!
He turns, he shoots!
And that is a horrible end to the Grand National...
And Sterling has taken a dive.
That's all for financial news, back to the football.
Yo mama is SO FAT... SO FUCKING FAT... That when she went on the bus, she wasn't allowed in. She asked why, and the driver pointed to the sign "Weight capacity of 50 people". The bus was empty.
She got mad and ate the bus!
Three blonde sisters die and are told by an angel that in order for them to go to heaven they have to pass all 100 steps. But each step has a joke, each joke gets funnier and funnier. And in order to pass them all, you can't laugh at any joke or else you go to hell. The blonde girls accept the offer.
So the angel begins telling them the jokes. One of the girls laughs at the 3rd step. The second blonde laughs halfway there. Finally, the last blonde was at the 100th step. The angel said, "This is the last step. If you laugh you will go straight to hell with your sisters and if you don't you can pass." The blonde agrees and the angel starts to tell the joke, "What do you ca..." Out of nowhere the blonde starts bursting out laughing. "Why are you laughing? I haven't even finished the joke yet!" The blonde replies, "I just got the first joke!"
One day I told my wife that she drew her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
What starts with M and ends with arriage?
Miscarriage. Now we all know that joke never gets old, and you know what?
Neither does the child.
Why did the democrats come out of the closet as assholes after they found out that Rush Limbaugh died? Because they don't fear him anymore.
Why do feminists believe that they can act like a bitch towards men if they want to? Because they were born without a penis.
What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?
Suck dick.
What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?
Suck a big dick.
What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?
Give a blowjob.
What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?
Perform fellatio.
What can you give a white person that you can't give to a black person?
A black eye.
And there's the referee taking down Ronaldo's number.
Not really the time or the place, but it's good to see that we've kept homophobia out of football.
A new feature that we are bringing to the Olympics is 3D viewing. So if you're watching the javelin, I would look away now.
Using Pi, distract that fat kid next to you and copy his answers.
One of my friends named Jill had a drug overdose.
She didn’t have any of that drug after that. For the rest of her life, she acted very high. When she died, it was because of natural causes, not the drug. So this proves that a lethal dose is also a life time supply.
Well, we've removed all of the excess fat from your body, and all that's left, I'm afraid, is the wig, Mrs. Trump.
What is a pizza that an orphan can’t have?
A family pizza.