That jokes
Why did the democrats come out of the closet as assholes after they found out that Rush Limbaugh died? Because they don't fear him anymore.
Why do feminists believe that they can act like a bitch towards men if they want to? Because they were born without a penis.
What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?
Suck dick.
What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?
Suck a big dick.
What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?
Give a blowjob.
What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?
Perform fellatio.
What can you give a white person that you can't give to a black person?
A black eye.
And there's the referee taking down Ronaldo's number.
Not really the time or the place, but it's good to see that we've kept homophobia out of football.
A new feature that we are bringing to the Olympics is 3D viewing. So if you're watching the javelin, I would look away now.
Using Pi, distract that fat kid next to you and copy his answers.
One of my friends named Jill had a drug overdose.
She didn’t have any of that drug after that. For the rest of her life, she acted very high. When she died, it was because of natural causes, not the drug. So this proves that a lethal dose is also a life time supply.
What is a pizza that an orphan can’t have?
A family pizza.
One day, a chicken went to the nail store. He asked the "owner" where the shampoo was. "BRO IM NOT THE FRIKKIN MANAGER!" the guy said. So the duck walked away.
The next day he went back to the store and asked a pregnant lady why she was so fat. The lady punched him and ran away. The duck cried. Then he went to the lady's husband and said that he must be tired of being married since she punches people every day. The man punched him. The duck assumed they were the punching couple. The duck walked, and then fell in a ditch and stayed there to die. The pregnant lady and her husband were very pleased >:) muhahahahahahaha
Bully: I'm going to hurt you so bad.
You: Well, your IQ is the same amount of teeth I'm about to knock out, so... you're so dumb that you don't even know how to do that.
And your IQ is 5.
Bully: I'm going to hurt you so bad.
You: Well... your IQ is the same amount of teeth I'm about to knock out, so... you're so dumb that you can't even do that.
And your IQ is 5.
If an orange is orange, does that mean it's orange?
Boosterthon asks to raise up to $35,000.
I donate $35,000. I ask, "What's my prize?" Boosterthon worker says, "Here's a headband." Me: "I donated the goal, so is that it?" Boosterthon worker: "No, it's $35,000 per person." I pass out. Boosterthon worker goes back to work like it is a regular day.
What happened to the police that crossed the road?
They solved a murder involving the nut case.
Mom: Hey you! What are you doing?!
Me: Nothing, why?
Mom: You're supposed to do your ______.
Me that/every night: *sob*
Friends: Are you okay?
Me: Yeah, fine.
Me in head: Or maybe I'm not okay...
My grandad was shocked to learn that lightning can strike in the same place twice.