That jokes

Teacher: Okay class, what's a word that begins with A?

Student: Apple!

Teacher: Good! What's a word beginning with B?

Student:....Bitch...

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    • Harry Potter

    Dobby: "Dobby never meant to kill, Dobby only meant to maim or seriously injure!"

    Jumanji

    Coach Webb: "Ok, there's a lot wrong with that."

    "Number 15: Burger King foot lettuce. The last thing you want in your Burger King burger is someone's foot fungus, but as it turns out, that might be what you get."

    A duck walks into a bar. The duck says to the bartender, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "No." Then the duck says, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "NO!" The duck says, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "No, and if you say that one more time I will nail your bill to this bar!" The duck says, "Hey bartender, got any nails?" The bartender says, "No." The duck says, "Well then, bartender, got any bread?"

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    • When your parents say, "We are sorry that you are here," what do you think of that?

    I think that you're an accident!

    Gumball: What's that? Is it a twig?

    Banana Joe: No.

    Darwin: Is it a leaf?

    Banana Joe: No.

    Gumball: What is it then?

    Banana Joe: It's my BUTT!!!

    My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive.

    I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked, "How is that supposed to work?"

    I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"

    What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?

    A piece of ass that makes your eyes water.

    My Mother: Wanna hear the song, "Chloe, your the one I want" on Pandora?

    Me: No, I am tired of that song and I am annoyed by it.

    Mom: Don't talk back to me like that, young lady.

    Me: / someone else? - -gets silent in da room-

    Brother: Yeah, this song is very annoying, but maybe better than the Chelsea song.

    Joke is here now what do you do if you hear the name Chloe?

    Yo Mama so fat that when she took a photo of herself to get it printed out, it took 15 years to finish!

    Once upon a time, there were three kingdoms, all bordering on the same lake. For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all.

    The first kingdom was quite rich and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires. The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted as their squires polished armor, cooked food, and sharpened weapons. The second kingdom was not so wealthy and sent only 10 knights, each with two squires. The night before the battle, the knights cavorted and sharpened their weapons as the squires polished armor and prepared dinner. The third kingdom was very poor and only sent one elderly knight with his sole squire. The night before the battle, the knight sharpened his weapon, while the squire, using a looped rope, slung a pot high over the fire to cook while he prepared the knight’s armor.

    The next day, the battle began. All the knights of the first two kingdoms had cavorted a bit too much (one should never cavort while sharpening weapons and jousting) and could not fight. The squire of the third kingdom could not rouse the elderly knight in time for combat. So, in the absence of the knights, the squires fought.

    The battle raged well into the late hours, but when the dust finally settled, a solitary figure limped from the carnage. The lone squire from the third kingdom dragged himself away, beaten, bloodied, but victorious.

    And it just goes to prove, the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

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    • My therapist told me that time heals all wounds. So I stabbed him, now we wait.

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