That jokes

Is that ass a water barrier 'cause dam[n]?

Once i was walking along the beach and there was a girl with no arms or legs there, i walked by and she said excuse me, will you touch me ive never been touched before, i was like okay so i touched her, i kept on walking along and there was the same girl, she said sir will you kiss me, i went alright so i went up and kissed her, i thought that was weird but anyway i kept walking along and there she was again, she said sir will you fuck me? I went okay so i picked her up and threw her in the ocean and went YOUR FUCKED NOW

The difference between an apple and an orphan is that the apple gets picked.

I was playing Mortal Kombat with my friend when he picked the fighter Pristiano Penaldo. I won and the voice didn't say "Finish him," so I couldn't do a fatality.

I was confused, but I understood that the game didn't let me finish him because he is already finished.

What was the last thing that went through PH's head?

Water and smoke.

If you hit a child, that's child abuse.

If you hit a family member, that's abuse.

If you kill either, it's murder for some reason.

If it's a whole family, it's genocide for another reason.

I was at school today, and one of my friends said after a test, "Man, that was hard." After that, I started laughing and I said, "That's what she said."

Dad: I'll pay you 10 bucks for every day you don't tell a lie.

Next day:

Dad: Son, what's the ugliest thing you've ever seen?

Son: That ugly face of yours, go get a life, gosh, Dad, you're embarrassing.

The dad sulked for 3 whole years.

Proof that words really can hurt.

what do you call a suicide bomber that loves water? a bath bomb.

What do you call someone who hates rape jokes? An ugly feminist that couldn't get a cock in her mouth.

Women be like if men are gone, Earth would be a better place, (forgetting) women help to create war, weapons, animal and human cruelty, and have helped to enforce laws that oppress them.

Women be like, "Equal rights, equal pay," then decide that they don't want to do labor intensive jobs.

Women be like, "Don't say that about her genitals," then makes fun of men's genitals.

Yo mama is so fat that she's bigger than the cinematic Marvel Universe.

Yo mama so fat that your mama so fat, mama so fat that, mama so fat that, mama so fat that, mama so fat that, mama so fat that, mama so fat that your mamas just fat.

Yo mama is so fat that when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

Dwarfism is a growing problem.

Kidding, that’s not funny. My friend died of dwarfism.

He jumped off a curb stone.

My life is so meaningless that I committed a crime just to get shot. 0-0

This is not a joke; this is just about death...

My balls are so purple that I use them as crayons, and I am not talking about the balls you play with. I am talking about the boy balls.

My friend is so ugly, she got surgery twice, but not even that could fix her.