My wife saw me hit the best drive yesterday with my golf clubs.
I must have drove that chihuahua 300 yards.
Yo mama is so fat that when she jumps, the earth was shaking!
Why would a Italian heterosexual male do for $100.00 if he was a prostitute that a polish american male would only do for a Klondike bar if he was a prostitute?
suck a big cock.
Me: You know your parents were very good people.
Orphan: Wow, I didn’t know that.
Me: I know, you're an orphan.
My friend asked me once, "Is there any religion in the world that preaches a god who masturbates in a closed room?"
"Islam it is."
Say this to someone who is fat that you don't like (make sure he's a virgin):
"You're so fat you can sell shaaade!! That's why you're a virgin and you masturbaaate!!! Yeah, I've see you, touching your 1 centimetre and if you have a gf she's is a cheater!!"
Make sure to say "shaaade" not "shade". And say "maturbaaate" (also try to say a D not a T in maturbaaate) not "masturbate".
What did one casket say to the other casket?
"Is that you coughin'?"
What did one casket say to the other casket?
"Is that you coughin'?"
Yo Mama so stupid that when she saw a sign that said, “Airport Left,” she turned around and went home.
If you want to SH but not in the sell farm way, come ooon.. do you even know what does that means?..
I love Stephen Hawking jokes so much because they roll off the tongue so nicely.
My family is like an apple tree. My sister is that ugly one that has to rot in.
Your mom is so small that she can fit in the luggage.
Yo mama so fat that the Avengers team had to snap five times and say, "Oh my God!"
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?
My wife said to me, "You really have no sense of direction, do you?"
I said, "Where the fuck did that come from?!"
I hope death is a woman. That way, she'll never come for me.
Guy: Are you depression? 'Cause you're crippling me.
Car driver: No, I'm the guy that hit you with his car and crippled you.
Guy: Don't worry, I was already crippled because I got crippling depression.
