Tell jokes
For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?
POV you are drunk and telling jokes and no one is listening 😭😭😭
The only woman to ever tell you that they loved you was your mom. (If she even loved you in the first place.)
At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.
POV: me telling a joke.
My dad: nobody likes a smart-ass.
Me: Nobody likes a smart-ass until the smart-ass finds a cure for cancer.
My teacher gave me an A in Physics, then she tells me that it turns guys on.
How can you tell if a man is straight? You don't have to, he will tell you.
A priest and a rabbi were hanging out at a playground. The priest waves to a kid to come over and tells the rabbi, "Let's screw this kid."
The rabbi looks confused and asks, "Out of what?"
Q: How do you turn a cat into a fish?
A: Tell the woman not to wash down there.
Tell an orphan "your mom", but then remember he doesn't have one.
I'd tell a joke about how my mom was abusive, but I either forgot everything, or she just wasn't there.
Tell me a joke about my hairline.
No, because he don't got one, feel like Donald Trump, it don't move.
If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
I would tell you an orphan joke, ehh I’ll just tell your parents instead.
Ok, so I have a joke for you, go look in the mirror and when you realize, come back to me and tell me.
Tell someone that you're gonna say “I 1 poopoo” and it will go in order of numbers, so they say, “I 2 poopoo” & so on:
You) I 1 poopoo
(Them) I 2 poopoo
(You) I 3 poopoo
(Them) I 4 poopoo
(You) I 5 poopoo
(Them) I 6 poopoo
(You) I 7 poopoo
(Them) I 8 poopoo
And be like, “You ate poopoo??! EWW!!”
You know, people always tell you to stand up for yourself. Why didn't anyone tell the World Trade Center that? 🤔
I told Siri about my dog, and she told me if she could tell me a joke to cheer me up, and I said okay.
She asked me, "Knock knock." I said, "Who is there?" She said, "Not your dog."
Once I asked Siri to tell me a joke, and it asked me, "What is the difference between a large pizza and you?" One can feed a family.
It's funny how you feel so alone with depression, and yet once you tell people on some random website, so many people relate. Unfortunately, it doesn't stop the loneliness.