Technology jokes
What's the difference between Mark Zuckerberg and a lizard?
There is no difference.
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He ran out of battery life.
Stephen Hawking died because his WiFi ran out.
Did you know that Stephen Hawking's death was an accident because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep mode?"
Too relatable
Me: Dad, my phone is broken.
Dad: How?
Me: I clicked the home button, but I'm still at school.
Dad: Stupid.
My Wi-Fi must be Kobe, because it crashed hard.
So I'm the cable guy around the neighborhood, and I do everybody's cable. So I walked into this one house, and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs. I was asking where her mom was, and she wasn't answering, and it looked like something was wrong, so I asked if anything was wrong. She didn't answer, so I kind of raised my voice at her, but she still didn't answer, and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear.
I made an orphan's website, but there was no homepage--because they don't have a home.
What kind of music do wind turbines like?
They are big, heavy metal fans!
What were Stephen Hawking's last words? The Microsoft shutdown sound.
What happens when Stephen Hawking dies? Windows plays the shutdown music.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
His PC overheated.
Stephen's not dead; his WiFi is slow.
Stephen Hawking just died. Have they tried rebooting him to factory settings?
Why don't orphans have iPhones?
Because they don't have a home button.
Stephen Hawking:
Q: Who Made Stephen Hawkins' Wheel Chair?
A:) Tesla
Kid: Dad, I want Santa to give me an iPhone.
Indian poor dad: Son, Santa is deaf.
Kid: No, he is not. I saw him on TV yesterday.
Indian poor dad: Oh, actually, I asked him for a new wife. Maybe he is wearing AirPods.
Kid: You are my Santa, daddy.
Indian poor dad: Pull down your pants, son.
Kid: It's not an Apple product.
Indian poor dad: It's a banana.
Computers are females because when they're down, you always charge her.
What do you call a bored robot?
A “sigh”-borg.