Technology jokes

Stephen Hawking talks by clicks. Two clicks is "hi," and five is "dab me up."

I met a man named Jebidiah on Xbox Live.

This is so sad. Alexa, play WAP.

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite song??

Rollin' and Controllin'.

What is one question on a tech test you should always ask before getting down?

What in the Robot!?

Yo mama is so fat, she doesn't need internet, she's already WORLDWIDE.

I was just chilling in the World Trade Center and got airplane wifi.

VOTING QUARTERFINAL 4

LIKE: When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say “This boy always had a fat ass”.

DISLIKE: When you’re hiding from the school shooter next to people who made fun of you for having an Android: “HEY SIRI”

Vote for the better joke. Semifinals are later or tomorrow.

I built a website for an orphanage, but it had no homepage.

What do Ethiopian people have better than Australians?

Internet.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

His computer got a virus.

My aim is cursed; one of my Angry Birds hit a field.

I work as an IT technician. The other day, I had to fix Cristiano Ronaldo’s laptop. He pointed to a message on the screen saying, “Do you consent to cookies?” He said that he doesn’t eat cookies and doesn’t know what consent means, so that’s why he called me.

If Asians have face scanners... do they all have the same face scanner?

I asked an emo girl if she gets jealous when her phone dies.

Karien: Don't care. You know what you did.

Jalie: I don't know what you mean. I did nothing! I'm telling the truth!

Karien: Sure. So you mean you never texted Oerien last night around 2:00 AM?

Jalie: NO, I NEVER DID THAT!

Karien: Jalie, stop the story telling. You were the one who had my phone yesterday. Just stop.

I hope Stephen Hawking was an organ donor, 'cause I need some parts for my go-cart.

What do crows get after they buy a phone?

A cawing card.

This city slicker broke down on a country road. He looked around, and in the distance, he spotted a farm house. When he finally got there, he asked the farmer if he had a phone he could use because his had no reception.

The farmer told him he could use it if he married his daughter. The guy said he really didn’t wanna get married, and the farmer said, "If you marry my daughter, I’ll give you half my farm..." The guy said, "Lemme see her..." The farmer hollered, “Hey you, get over here...” and she said, “Duh, ok.” The ol' boy looked at her and said, "Nooo thank you."

The father said, “I’ll give you all my farm and my bank account if you’ll marry my daughter....” The ol' boy thought for a minute and said, “Well I guess I can put a sack over her head.” So they married and the farmer kept his word and gave him everything.

One day the guy was up fixin' the roof and hollered, “Hey you, get me some nails...” His wife said, “Duh, nails, nails?” He said, “Yes, nails,” and showed her one. She said, “Oh, duh, nails, nails.” He said, “Yes, nails.” So she got him some. He was hammering away when he hit his thumb, and he yells, “Oh F*** it!” and she turned and hollered, “Duh, a sack, a sack, duh, a sack!”

The emo was having computer problems because they had troubleshooting.