Technology jokes

If anyone ever makes a time machine, please make a bunker for Hitler/the Nazis and send them to 2050. I want to see who would die first, future us or them.

Now touring: Stephen Hawking unplugged.

Mother: "Sweetie, make a Christmas wish."

Girl: "I wish that Santa will send some clothes to those naked girls in papa's computer."

Why don't rappers ever get LOST?

Because they always find their way with their GPS (Great Poetic Skills).

I asked an emo, "Do they get jealous when their phone dies?"

A pregnant woman enters the hospital with her concerned husband. As she goes into labor, a group of doctors asked him if he would like to try a device that transfers your spouse's pain to the father's nervous system.

He agrees and the doctors turn the dial on the device to 10%. Strangely, the man felt little pain. They continued to adjust the dial until it stopped at 100%, yet the man felt nothing. Later on, the wife had delivered the baby and the pair left the hospital with a healthy baby only to find the milkman laying on their stairs with a puddle of blood around his head, shaking uncontrollably.

What do you call an Asian phone? Wing Wing.

Why was Stephen Hawking late to the NASA meeting?

He couldn't get up the kerb.

Don't worry, Stephen Hawking isn't dead.

They have just got to copy and paste his memory onto a USB.

This is NOT my joke. I found it on Google. It's a texting joke.

Mom: Son, your grandma just passed away LOL.

Son: Mom, what do you mean LOL? That means laughing out loud.

Mom: Oh no, I thought that meant lots of love. I have to text everyone back!!!!

My grandma unplugged the internet cable, so I unplugged her life support.

My joke is your life support getting unplugged because my phone is about to die.

Woman one: "I got so mad at my GPS today that I told it to go to hell!"

Woman two: "Did that work?"

Woman one: "Well, it took me to my in-laws’ house."

Where does Stephen Hawking go when he breaks his arm? PC World.

Brother 2: We have these weird circles on the street! Government is tracking us!!!

Brother 1: They are just to sense cars so they can change lights. And it's the government.

Brother 2: Then why are there two in the left turn lane?

Brother 1: So one car isn't always going left and stopping the others.

Brother 2: Then why are they one car apart? Oh, to have three people going.

Brother 1: Correct. When I see one car on the first, I go on the second so my light changes.

Brother 2: You monster.

Brother 1: I wonder if they trigger by weight?

Brother 2: HA. Yo mama would trigger the sensor.

Brother 1: ARG. It's OUR MAMA you're disrespecting.

Mother (brother 1): What's going on boys? *looks in mirror* HOLY SH@& SHE IS PRETTY!

Brother 2: I think you should take your pills.

Brother 1: Found them.

*imaginary mother and brother fade away*

Thank you ELECTROBOOM for inspiring this joke/sh!t. Go subb to him.

Btw the (1) means it is just imaginary brother one acting like another brother.

Dear disabled people, just go to the settings and enable it!

Did you know that Stephen Hawking's death was an accident because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep mode?"

BLESSEDBRIAN is the reason they invented the mute button.

Yo mama is so dumb, when she had a brain scan, the result was 404...

Little Johnny tried phone sex, but the holes were too small.