How did the inkjet printer kill himself?
He drank cyan-ide.
What does a shark and a computer have in common?
They both have megabytes.
The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple, but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
Some people are like a software update. When I see them I think, "Not now."
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
Virgin mobile.
The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters, ...
so Trump can't tweet it.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he's hooked up to? The computer runs.
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
How do trees get online? -- They just log in.
I love the smell of my F5 key. It's very refreshing.
Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 10. He replied, "I still love Vista, baby."
Bill Gates teaches a kindergarten class to count to ten. "1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10."
Chuck Norris caught all the Pokémon -- from a landline.
Yo mama is so fat, she takes her selfies in panoramic mode.
Yo mama is so ugly, when she goes into a bank, they turn off the cameras.
Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.
Yo mama so fat she sat on an iPhone and turned it into an iPad.
A programmer pushes a stroller through the park. An elderly couple comes along: "Is it a boy or a girl?" The programmer replies, "Yes."
How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb? - None, they declare darkness to be the new standard.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, that's a hardware problem.
