Teacher jokes
There was a math teacher on a plane that crashed. What was the last thing that went through their head? A pentagon! (9/11 joke)
A school shooter enters a kindergarten classroom. Little Timmy says, “He’s my daddy!”
The teacher, Mr. Mortez, screams. Little Timmy then says, “Mr. Mortez, my daddy says you’re a big fat whale and he wants to roll you all the way to Canada!” *pushes Mr. Mortez* Little Timmy says, “Hail f**king Canada!”
Halloween joke:
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?
A blood test.
Don't you hate when you have sex with your teacher, then remember you're home schooled?
What do a bag of chips and a gun have in common?
When you pull either one out in class, everyone all of a sudden wants to be your friend...
I’m happy to be with my EA when I go to school.
So, we are in class right, and the teacher has a metal leg. Every year she gets the question of, "Do metal detectors beep every time you walk by them?" She heard this question to the point where she just says yes without hesitation.
Once she had said yes, two kids in the back started laughing.
Teacher: Ok alright, take it a little bit more seriously would you?
Kid: Oh, we're not laughing at that.
Kid_2: We're laughing at cancer.
Teacher: If you keep talking over me, I'll call your parents!
Orphan: You will?
So, one day I was walking home from school with my best friend, Sally. She was worried to get home because she was going to tell her mom that Bob, the class rep, got her pregnant eight months ago, and now it was obvious she was pregnant. So I said, “Sally, it’ll be okay, I’m sure she’ll be happy to get a grandson.” “Yeah, thanks, Suzy,” she said to me, then went into her house.
The next few weeks she didn’t show up to school, so I was like, oh, she must be in trouble with her mom. I’ll go check on her.
So I walk up to her house and her mom answers with a baby boy in her hands. “Oh, hello. Is that Sally’s son?!! Can I see Sally?” Her mom says sure, and I go inside, but she leads me to the backyard and I see a tombstone. “Here lies Sally 2004-2020.” So I ask her mom in tears, “Oh, did she not make it through the birth?” And her mom replied, “You could say that...”
What do you call a rude math teacher with a lisp?
A mathive dick.
Kid: How much do you get paid?
Teacher: Minimum wage.
Teacher: Take a seat, class.
Wheelchair person: I've been in the seat.
I was in math class when my teacher gave us homework, and she said to me, "You're gonna get an F this time." So I went back home, and f**k my teacher.
My music teacher was investigated, but she was the one that taught me my fingerings.
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said it would be a piece of cake! 🎂😂
It was pornography class, and there was a break.
Two adults were "having a good time" till the teacher says...
Teacher: Hey! SAY ALL THE NUMBERS TO 10,000 NOW!
Adult 1: How about I say my ABC's?
Teacher: Go ahead, I guess...
Adult 1: A B C E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Teacher: Where's the D?
Adult 2: Inside me...
I had a teacher named Mr. Stubs. I asked why he was given that name, and he replied, "My parents said my limbs were spare parts."
Teacher: What's 3 minus 1? Me: I don't know. Teacher: How about this, you have three cakes, I take one. How many cakes do you have? Me: Three. Teacher: If I take one cake from your three, what do you have? Me: Three cakes and a dead teacher.
I got in trouble in school today. The teacher said, "I'm gonna call your parents!"
I said, "Let me know when you find them." <3
True story: my math teacher Mr. Ueberoth accidentally marked a Kahoot as 100 points in Google Classroom instead of 10. If he doesn't find out, the grades will be more hyperinflated than Zimbabwe's economy.