Brendon, just shut up, no one was talking to you on the fucking joke! And my sis is not a female dog. If she was, then how the hell would she spell!
Gwen, we can chat in 2 months. My aunt just died from COVID, and it is taking forever for us to get there to California. I love you, your boyfriend, Prince!
A woman once didn't return home for the night, and the next morning when she arrived home, her husband started questioning her about where she had been. She lied, saying she slept at one of her friends' houses.
The man proceeded to call all her friends, all of whom denied her sleeping at their places the previous night.
Meanwhile, somewhere else, a man didn't return home to his wife for the night either. The following morning, his wife started questioning him, and he lied, saying he slept at a friend's house. She proceeded to call all his friends. All of them said that he indeed slept at their places the previous night, and one of them even insisted that he's still there, but he's using the bathroom and he can't talk right now!
me and freshfry talking
What always roars, but cannot talk? What always moves, but cannot walk?
A waterfall.
My sister said I'm stupid and I'm a baby, and I said, "Oh, I didn't know we were talking about you."
When someone keeps talking while you are trying to focus on something, what is the rudest thing you can say to them?
SHUT UP!!!
A science teacher got on the Space Shuttle Challenger after winning a contest out of 11,000 other teachers.
Imagine being one of the losing teachers in that contest, watching the Space Shuttle Challenger, and thinking, "Talking about dodging a bullet!"
My wife told me to pass her some chapstick, but then I realized she hasn’t talked to me in a month, then remembering I gave her super glue.........ehh I’m done with her big ass mouth.
I used to have an imaginary friend who I could talk to, and he could grant me wishes and stuff... and then I stopped going to church.
Bully: My mom says I'm not allowed to burn trash.
Me: (quiet)
Bully: HEY I'M TALKING TO YOU.
Me: Are you talking to yourself? Because I was listening to music until I heard you.
My wife slept with another man and got pregnant. She told me 9 weeks later. I said it's ok and told her let's talk downstairs, so I pushed her down the stairs.
My balls are so purple that I use them as crayons, and I am not talking about the balls you play with. I am talking about the boy balls.
Can an orphan child be arrested for vandalism, or will the officers ask for their parents to talk to?
In my science class we were watching a video, and for no reason at all, it started talking about Black Lives Matter, and my friend leaned over and whispered, “White lives matter more!”
Would you steal 20 dollars from a stupid 6 year old kid with Down syndrome who can't talk and make ah ah ah noises, or get one dollar for saying the N word?
"Oh, you’re still talking? I thought background noise was supposed to fade out after a while. Must be tough waking up every day knowing your personality was a failed experiment."
Once, there were two cupcakes in the furnace. One cupcake said, "It's kinda hot in here." The other one said, "Hah, a talking cupcake!"
Why did the roach talk to the man? To die.
Hitler was talking about how to fight in WW2 when someone sneezed while Hitler was giving a speech, so Hitler yelled, "WHO SNEEZED ROW 1? DID ANYONE SNEEZE?" They said no, and Hitler shot everybody. Same for row 2 & 3, but in row 4 someone nervous said, "Me, I'm sorry." Then Hitler said, "Bless you."
