I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday. I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
Kidnapping is just surprise adoption.
After watching Star Wars 8, I have to say Snoke was half the man I expected him to be.
Parents: "OH! honey, we were just wrestling!"
Little Johnny: "OK! I'll join you!"
one day I was walking around, then saw this mom mad at her kid and screamed " YoUr AdOpTeD!" he said "yeah I know my REAL mommy is still at home with daddy."
How can you surprise someone who is blind?
Leave a plunger in the toilet.
Knock knock. Who’s there? A boy. A boy who? A boy who can’t reach the doorbell knocking at your door.
A man comes home and hears her wife talking about having sex at the club, the man busts into the club with a revolver and says "WHO TF FUCKED MY WIFE" well everyone looks over and is quiet, and someone in the back says "mate you don't have enough bullets"
“I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry”
My girlfiends a porn star
She kill me if she found out
A kid milks a cow and goes to school and tells his friends I milk a cow and it took awhile for it to warm up and his brother came over and said we don't have cows we have Bulls
what does a pregnant 14 year old and her foetus? theyre both thinking; oh sh@t my moms gonna kill me!
Teacher: I'm sorry but you got a 74 on the test Quiet Kid: I'll show you my own 74 Classroom: *visible panic*
The doctor says "your wife is PREGNENT" the man says that he used a condom and the doctor says "ya but I didn't
Whats the difference between a dead baby in a dumpster and a treasure chest? It's a suprise when you find the treasure
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest completely full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
When my dad left he said he would bring back the milk but 20 years later he only came with my new sister and eggs. And I confronted him and he said "I used all the milk to make your sister"
What does a freshly pregnant teen and her baby share?
They both think "Mom's probably going to kill me"
Man walks into a bar and sees a bear serving drinks... Sits down looking astonished. The bear says “what’s the matter you never saw a bear serving drinks? “ The man says “it’s not that, I just never thought the moose would sell the place.”
When the school shooter breaks into the classroom and you look at your friend cause it’s the kid you predicted
