Surprise Jokes

When you die, people cry and wish you to come back.

But when you do, people scream and run away.

As siblings, we always joke about being adopted. It stops being funny when you're playing in your parents' room and find both of your adoption papers.

Because of all the rampant inbreeding in America, it's not a surprise that Hollywood had to poach models, comedians, and actors from Canada and Australia.

I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them

Father: “Son, you were adopted.”

Son: “What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!”

Father: “We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.”

"Dude, can you believe Republicans are opposed to homosexuality, women's rights, and immigration, yet they are silent when it comes to incest and child molestation?"

"Well, I'm not surprised. Republicans have to win the Alabama vote, or else."

What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday.

idk he hasn't opened it yet.

April Fool's joke: Go to an orphanage and tell them, "Their parents came back."

3 nuns are talking and the first nun says, "u would never believe what i discovered." intrigued, the other to signal her to continue. " i found a phone in the priests room." said the first nun. "oh thats nothing said the second one, i found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one. " what did u do with them." said the first nun. pridefully the second nun responds with," i poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, "oh sh*t...."

Funny thing happened today, my dad came home from work which is weird cause he’s a suicide bomber.

what did the woman with no hands get for christmas? no idea. she hasn’t opened her present yet.

A woman went out on a date and said “I’m thirty one with the body of a sixteen year old” the man responded “wanna show me?😏” the woman took him back to her house and opened her freezer and said, “take a look”

Knock Knock. Who's there? Not your parents.

Wow, Heavens alot hotter than I thought it'd be.

how do you suprise a blind guy. leave the plunger in the toilet

At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.” Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”