Wanna hear a joke?
Look in the mirror; I'm sure you'll find one there :')
Sureness Jokes
Now why an office supply keep rape videos, to make sure it was on tape?
Anybody remember 9/11? Cause I sure do, and oh boy was my father a good pilot!💥
Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?
Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."
Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"
Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.
This is just a bad emo pickup line, lmao.
Are you Maria? 'Cause you can sure as hell count ME in!
Two nuns in a bathtub.
One nun asks, "Where's the soap?"
The other nun says, "It sure does."
I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."
"Did you guys make sure Stephen was plugged in?"
I don’t know why people don’t say "Cobain," because I’m pretty sure Kurt Cobain didn’t miss his last shot like Kobe did.
Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.
Mom: Did you finish your homework?
Mom: We are going to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.
Mom: Dad and I talked. We are getting a new car next month.
Son: You are?? Oh my gosh, thank you!
Mom: No, I was just making sure you were getting my texts.
Son: That was cruel!
I call this my great talk with Siri.
Me: Hey Siri, give me a "yo mama" joke.
Siri: My mother? Huh?
Me: Did I stutter?
Siri: Interesting question.
Me: It wasn’t a question.
Siri: I’m not sure I understand?
Me: You should understand.
Siri: Hmm... Is there something else I can help with?
Me: No, you b***.
Me: Mrs., can I read my book?
Teacher: Sure.
Me: *watching my Chromebook*
DB: I'm the only shotgun with more than 1 barrel!
Lancaster: Are you sure about that?
DB: huh?
Lancaster: I have 4 barrels!
DB: WHAT!?
Penta Barrel: I got 5!
DB: *insert becoming uncanny*
Dual Hexagon shotgun: I got 12!
The others: HOW!?
*and that's how an argument started.*
Guy: Are you tired?
His “Crush”: No.
Guy: Are you sure, because you’ve been running through my mind all day?
His “Crush”: That’s sweet.
Guy: I’m joking, you don’t look like you do any running.
For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:
Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."
Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."
Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Not to get home, that's for sure.
Sure?
Guy: Do you want a nickel?
Girl: Sure.
Guy: So you’ll tickle my pickle?
Girl: 😳😩😩😩
Why did the Irishman use three condoms? To be sure, to be sure, to be sure!
Hey, pass me that crowbar, please.
Sure... y’know, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home.
