Hahaha. These eggs surely crack me up!
Sureness Jokes
Wanna hear a joke?
Look in the mirror; I'm sure you'll find one there :')
Now why an office supply keep rape videos, to make sure it was on tape?
Anybody remember 9/11? Cause I sure do, and oh boy was my father a good pilot!💥
Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?
Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."
Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"
Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.
This is just a bad emo pickup line, lmao.
Are you Maria? 'Cause you can sure as hell count ME in!
Two nuns in a bathtub.
One nun asks, "Where's the soap?"
The other nun says, "It sure does."
I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."
"Did you guys make sure Stephen was plugged in?"
I don’t know why people don’t say "Cobain," because I’m pretty sure Kurt Cobain didn’t miss his last shot like Kobe did.
Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.
Mom: Did you finish your homework?
Mom: We are going to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.
Mom: Dad and I talked. We are getting a new car next month.
Son: You are?? Oh my gosh, thank you!
Mom: No, I was just making sure you were getting my texts.
Son: That was cruel!
I call this my great talk with Siri.
Me: Hey Siri, give me a "yo mama" joke.
Siri: My mother? Huh?
Me: Did I stutter?
Siri: Interesting question.
Me: It wasn’t a question.
Siri: I’m not sure I understand?
Me: You should understand.
Siri: Hmm... Is there something else I can help with?
Me: No, you b***.
Me: Mrs., can I read my book?
Teacher: Sure.
Me: *watching my Chromebook*
DB: I'm the only shotgun with more than 1 barrel!
Lancaster: Are you sure about that?
DB: huh?
Lancaster: I have 4 barrels!
DB: WHAT!?
Penta Barrel: I got 5!
DB: *insert becoming uncanny*
Dual Hexagon shotgun: I got 12!
The others: HOW!?
*and that's how an argument started.*
Guy: Are you tired?
His “Crush”: No.
Guy: Are you sure, because you’ve been running through my mind all day?
His “Crush”: That’s sweet.
Guy: I’m joking, you don’t look like you do any running.
For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:
Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."
Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."
Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Not to get home, that's for sure.
Sure?
Guy: Do you want a nickel?
Girl: Sure.
Guy: So you’ll tickle my pickle?
Girl: 😳😩😩😩
Why did the Irishman use three condoms? To be sure, to be sure, to be sure!
