Support jokes

Why are orphans whores?

Because they want a sugar daddy. 🙃

What is the worst motivational thing to say to a depressed person?

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

Hi!!!! So it has been a very long time, and I have seen that your jokes have been becoming more and more inappropriate.

Guys, you don't need to be inappropriate to be cool! You are awesome if you like school, and even if you are gay, or anything in the LGBTQ+ category. #PRIDE

Anyway, I myself am not LGBTQ+, but I don't think people who are should get shamed for it. I love you guys, and stay positive!!!

Two muffins are sitting in a bar.

The first muffin says to the bartender, "I'll have the usual."

The second one does not say anything to the bartender because muffins lack the vocal ability of humans, and even with the proper anatomy capable of speech access, they would most certainly be entirely unable to comprehend the human language. In fact, the first muffin would indefinitely not be able to provide speech to the bartender. The muffins also lack the muscular structure to be capable of support themselves to being suspended also preventing their access to movement. Even with the human-like structure, muffins lack brains, which are an essential part of being able to send nerve contact within the legs to be able to move. Also, with them lacking a brain structure entirely prevents them from speech. The anatomy simply prohibits the food items mentioned to be able to carry out any of the tasks required to get them to said bar and be able to speak, thus making the situation untruthful and completely idiotic.

Why was Liverpool the worst bespoke? Rio supports it, hahah!

I donated 100 dollars to a blind children’s charity. Too bad they won’t ever see a dime of it.

Hi Alex, you will probably not see this till the morning, but I just wanted to say I have had fun since you were here. Also, thank you so much for protecting me and being there for me. And yeah, have a good day!

How to get rid of your depression:

1. Stop self-pitying.

2. Realize you can't.

3. Fucking deal with it.

You're welcome.

When somebody says they're depressed (by over-romanticizing their so-called problems) but can't be by your side when you are at your lowest.

Then you know they're faking depression. 🙂

If you know it, you know it.

How do you get a depressed man out of the tree? You cut the rope.

A teacher in Scunthorpe asks a class what their favorite football team is, saying, "Raise your hand if it is Scunthorpe." Every student but one raised their hand. The teacher asks, "Why don't you support Scunthorpe?" The child answers, "My parents support Grimsby, and so do I." The teacher comes back with, "Why are you copying your parents? What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad a druggie?" The child answers, "Then I'd support Scunthorpe like you dirty bastards!"

Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.

Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

Why was the stadium so cold?

Because of all its fans!

What is better to have, autism, Down syndrome, or ADHD?

No one has my back like my dad.

What do you call a fruit that argues against the position it supports?

The Devil's advocado.

It's funny how you feel so alone with depression, and yet once you tell people on some random website, so many people relate. Unfortunately, it doesn't stop the loneliness.

What do you call it when a friend calms his suicidal friend? "Hang in there, buddy."

I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!

Why do orphans support slavery?

They finally have an owner.