Suicide Jokes

Hang in there you all, Literally.

Whats the diffrence between me and a hairdresser. We both cut too much

Call me an edgelord because I'm gonna impale myself on the edge of a spear

People wear chokers, and I'm a choker too, because I tried to choke myself 6 times

I know this place may be cruel, but hang in there!

Once I almost died ill give it another shot out of the gun to finish my job

Friends: You wanna hang with us? Me: No, I wanna hang myself

You learn from the best.

I joined a emo class today the first lession I learnt was slice and dice and let it flow.

I'm so depressed that when I smile my Face ID won't work

whats the difference between an emo and an apple? the apple falls to the ground while the emo just hangs there

A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her. "Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.

"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."

The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."

The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fullfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"

"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.

"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"

How did the man with no arms commit suicide? We'll never know - he didn't leave a note.

I called a Suicide Helpline, but they didn't help me commit suicide. Tbh they really left me hanging there

-a beautiful woman is on the ledge of a bridge about to commit suicide-

a homeless man walks by her and says "what are you doing?"

she says "im going to jump"

the homeless man says "if youre going to kill yourself, do you wanna have sex with me first?"

the woman replies "no way creep! never that!"

the homeless man doesn't seem bothered and says

"thats fine, I'll just wait til you're at the bottom"

[Them]: "Don't you think you'll feel ashamed of all the suicide jokes you've made when you get older?"

[Me]: "When I what?" 0-0

I've realized that suicide would solve all my problems.... ...if I could just get the right people to try it.

what is less then 0

my will to live