Suicide jokes
I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.
Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.
A suicidal boy went up to a tree and said "hi".
The tree never responded; it left him hanging.
Why did the pencil want to kill himself?
He had no point in life.
Why did the math book kill itself?
It had too many problems.
Don't commit suicide, that stuff kills you.
The depressed kid walked into the counselor's office.
"I'm feeling like killing myself," he said.
"Oh no! Don't worry, sweetie, just hang in there!," the counselor responded.
What’s the worst thing about being suicidal?
The school shooter will always spare you.
My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"
Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.
There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.
I've thought about suicide, but there's always been a part of me that knows I wouldn't be able to live with the decision.
If I don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.
Said the man angered to his wife:
"Now stop the damn suicide tries! Just look at the gas bill!?"
- Sometimes I feel like killing myself...
- But?
- ...
When you accidentally turn in your suicide note instead of your essay to the teacher, but she still gives you an A.
Wait, that's me.
Why did the Emo Chicken cross the road?
To get hit by a car.
"When is the best time to commit suicide?"
Ate a Glock in the morning.
What's a suicidal person's favorite type of bath bomb?
A toaster.
A suicidal customer walks into a gun store.
Cashier: Is this your final purchase?
Customer: Actually, yes it is!
I've been hit by several things in my life.
Sadly, never a car.