Suicide jokes

I told someone some jokes, y'know? "Fruit Ninja," "barcode legs," "French puppet thigh wrings." And she was like saying that's not cool and stuff. So she reported me, and it was like:

The counselor: "So I've heard you've been making sh jokes?" Me: "You say it like it's a bad thing." Her: "It is." Me: "Chill bro, it ain't that deep. Don't worry I'll end it :)"

I'm gonna jump to my death.

Don't worry. I won't jump far.

Just off this chair here...

What’s the difference between Hitler and Steven Hawking?

Nothing, they're both dead, one painted the walls and the other committed suicide by pressing ALT + F4.

What do you think would fall to the ground first, an emo kid or a leaf?

The leaf. The rope would stop the emo kid.

OTHERS (MOTIVATED): If I had FLYING as a SUPERPOWER, FALLING would be the BEGINNING STAGE.

ME (DEPRESSED): OK, GOOD IDEA! LETS FALL OFF THE CLIFF AND FLY TO HEAVEN!!

What do Phillip Adam and Kurt Cobain have in common?

They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.

I can tell a joke :)

Twinkle, twinkle, there's a car Coming like a shooting star. I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.

You realize you're in a paradox until you die. You'll see yourself die by murder, suicide, old age, etc.

Then you realize you're dreaming, but you realize that if you die in a dream, you die IRL.

I ate the Emo Emo no Mi from One Piece. It gave me the powers of black hair, depression, and suicidal thoughts.

Q: Why was the depressed kid sad on Christmas?

A: They weren't hanging like the ornaments on a tree.

Friend: Stop with the self harm jokes, they're not funny.

Me: It's not that deep. I'll cut it out.

The closest thing in a depressed person's life is a knife and his/her throat.

How do you get an emo kid to jump?

A bridge.

I told my psychiatrist I was going to go kill myself. He asked if I was paying for this appointment in check or cash.

Wow, didn't know little Jhony jokes were so dark. Well, but what do you expect from a site with jokes about suicide, sex, and drugs? :-)

"Drugs?????" His eyes popped out. Well, I don't really know if there actually are-- and the exact ones... But there's so many kinds of jokes-- even chin jokes. :^))

And slice jokes!

What kind of "slices"?

Handy ones. ^_^

What do a convention of nerds and Kurt Cobain's garage have in common?

There's brains all over the place.

When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?

"One, he killed himself."

Why did my wife leave me?

I wish I knew.

A leaf and an emo fall from a tree, who hits the ground first?

The leaf, the rope stopped the emo.

What do my clothes and a depressed person not have in common?

My clothes don't hang themselves...