Suicide jokes

I ate the Emo Emo no Mi from One Piece. It gave me the powers of black hair, depression, and suicidal thoughts.

I told my psychiatrist I was going to go kill myself. He asked if I was paying for this appointment in check or cash.

The closest thing in a depressed person's life is a knife and his/her throat.

What’s the difference between Hitler and Steven Hawking?

Nothing, they're both dead, one painted the walls and the other committed suicide by pressing ALT + F4.

When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?

"One, he killed himself."

Why did my wife leave me?

I wish I knew.

A leaf and an emo fall from a tree, who hits the ground first?

The leaf, the rope stopped the emo.

What do my clothes and a depressed person not have in common?

My clothes don't hang themselves...

You realize you're in a paradox until you die. You'll see yourself die by murder, suicide, old age, etc.

Then you realize you're dreaming, but you realize that if you die in a dream, you die IRL.

What do apples and depressed kids have in common?

They both hang on trees.

Life is a try not to kill yourself challenge.

I will pay someone to kill me.

When you forget the pinata at the birthday party. The kids: "Aww man." But the emo kid just hung himself. Kids: "Yaaaaayyy." Parents: "Adjust, improvise, overcome, that is the way."

What do you tell a depressed person?

Just hang in there!

It's better being depressed and suicidal than being happy, know why? Happiness never lasts forever.

Why do Emos love Christmas? So they can pretend they're ornaments and hang themselves on trees. Hope you liked it, happy holidays!

An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.

*A few minutes later*

son: There.

mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?

son: Dad showed me before he died.

mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*

Wow, didn't know little Jhony jokes were so dark. Well, but what do you expect from a site with jokes about suicide, sex, and drugs? :-)

"Drugs?????" His eyes popped out. Well, I don't really know if there actually are-- and the exact ones... But there's so many kinds of jokes-- even chin jokes. :^))

And slice jokes!

What kind of "slices"?

Handy ones. ^_^

What did the rope and the tree say to the kid?

Do you want to hang later?

I saw an emo orphan by a tree, and I was going to give it a high-five, but instead I just let it hang.